Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> In a message dated 12/09/1999 4:48:56 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> << Many people offer to help, and part of the reason they offer is
>  the expectation of receiving increased self esteem, i.e. it makes
>  them "feel good" about thermselves.
>
>  To reject such help obviously leads to disappointment and is seen
>  as an attack, so a petulant riposte is an understandable
>  reaction.
>   >>
>
> It is understandable, given the nature of that line of thought.
> After the "F.U." incident though, I was reluctant to be around
> people for a while.  The history would be post traumatic stress
> disorder from the second fire house where I worked.  I never
> talk about it, but they didn't want a woman there so for three
> years I tolerated death threats and other things.  They would
> call me at home to try to scare me.  I lived alone and it
> worked too.  One of the guys told me right to my face that they
> could kill me in a fire and it would look like an accident.
> Some of it was physical too.  I got physically pushed around --
> a guy urinated in my food -- things like that.  One thing or
> another seemed to happen on every single shift from the first
> day.  They did terrible things to try to get me to leave but
> none of that worked.  When I left it was to move up and not
> away, but it really took a psychological toll.

>  I thought that was long in the past -- that was over ten years
> ago -- but some of the things that I've experienced in the past
> couple of years seems to have brought it back.
>
> Once in a blue moon people will ask me what it was like to be a
> firefighter and I just don't know what to tell them.  I'll talk
> about the first fire department, which I think is more
> representative of the fire service in general, but I hardly
> ever tell the truth about the second one.
>
> To be honest, when I see that somebody is the way you are
> describing, it really scares me.  If they wanted to hurt me, I
> don't know if I would be able to defend myself.  This is the
> only thing about having a disability in this society that I
> haven't been able to come to grips with.
>
> I hope this was okay to share.  I've been keeping this in.
>
> Betty

I'm glad you shared, it helps in understanding each other.

A failure to clearly understand a situation is sometimes the
pre-cursor to violence (either verbal or physical). Your
"colleagues" in the fire service (and I use that term in the
loosest possible sense - considering their abominable behaviour)
were clearly reacting with false understanding of the situation,
that stereotypical assumption "women = weaker sex = inability to
cope with danger".

I'm sure their unpardonable behaviour was based on some
half-baked idea that having "a woman" on their team somehow put
their own lives at greater risk. If they had understood that the
factors affecting risk the most are probably "skill, experience,
calmness, and cohesiveness within the team" rather than
individual strength. It is ironic that their very actions
probably increased the "risk" level by affecting the cohesiveness
of the team.

Although the abuse you received must have seemed very personal,
since you were singled out by this atrocious behaviour, it is
important to realise that such abuse had nothing to do with you
personally!! That it had nothing at all to do with your
personality or skills as a fire-fighter, but everything to do
with their false assumptions of increased risk to themselves.

All disabled, elderly, or otherwise weakened people, have an
increased fear of violence, since they see themselves as being
particularly vulnerable to it.  This is obviously empirically
true (I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag!!), however this
is based on the false assumption that the only deterrent to
violence is physical strength. I believe a far greater deterrent
is the fear of detection.

Cheers,

--
Deri James