If it's "The Onion"  a satirical magazine at http://www.theonion.com/   it
is poking fun - I am not upset - they also Found Christ in a Potato.



> I dont get it either. It looks like a lot of things Trisha has said. Do
you
> think this was meant to be funny, or an actual column?
>
> ----------
> > From: Kyle E. Cleveland <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"
> > Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 10:38 AM
> >
> > Dear Wiccan,
> > Our youngest child just went off to college, and empty-nest syndrome =
> > has
> > really begun to set in. My wife and I thought this would be a time for =
> > us to
> > rediscover our freedom, but instead the joy has left our household. Any
> > tips?
> > --Lonesome In Lodi=20
> >
> > Dear Lonesome,=20
> > Blessed be! When forming your Coven, be mindful that it is very =
> > different
> > from performing your Workings as a solitary witch. Rituals involving a
> > Gathering of pagans, led by a wise High Priest or Priestess, are much =
> > more
> > powerful through the Coven. Drawing down the moon, consecrating a =
> > sacred
> > bolline-knife and casting the scrying magicks alongside your
> > widdershins-walking fellow-souls is not only a real and powerful =
> > celebration
> > of Nature, it is also a solemn and dignified Communion among our folk! =
> > The
> > Lord and Lady smile upon the hour of your Circle's meeting, and may the
> > Goddess grant that your path be true and your Craft blessed!=20
> >
> > Dear Wiccan,=20
> > I'm a single man in his mid-30s who's never had much luck with women. I
> > become very uncomfortable and awkward around the ones I'm interested =
> > in.
> > I've talked to a lot of people about the problem, but no one ever seems
=
> > to
> > have any good advice. Can you help?
> > --Shy In Cheyenne=20
> >
> > Dear Shy,=20
> > Merry meet! All other dweomers being equal, the phases of Mother Moon =
> > are
> > the most powerful magickal influence upon any incantation you may =
> > devise.
> > The Goddess has charged our heavenly protectoress with the turning of =
> > tides
> > and seasons--astral as well as earthly--and as She waxes and wanes, so =
> > does
> > the potency of our charms! In some of Her phases, the amethyst crystal =
> > can
> > sharpen your sixth sense, and it may be twinned to your runestones, or =
> > even
> > steeped in a healthful nettle-and-foxglove tea to aid in your
> > scrying-spells. But beware! In other phases, the opposite is true, and =
> > using
> > any crystal but the blood-tourmaline will rend your power from you or =
> > twist
> > your magicks along the Dark Path! So that you may step carefully, =
> > consult
> > with your circle's Elders before attempting any of the rituals or
> > incantations of the Major Arcana. If your Elders are fasting, =
> > meditating or
> > Wind-walking, seek ye the 69 convergent Lunar phases in the grimoiries =
> > of
> > our hallowed Sage, Wolfling SilverRaven. At the very least, please =
> > consult
> > your Tarot!=20
> >
> > Dear Wiccan,=20
> > My son is probably just a normal 15-year-old, but he seems to want
> > absolutely everything: CD players, video games, cellular phones--even a
=
> > car!
> > I want to be good to him and treat him to nice things, but I don't want
=
> > to
> > spoil him rotten. How much stuff is too much for today's teen?=20
> > --Behind The Times In Trenton=20
> >
> > Dear Trenton,=20
> > May Brigid bless your path! The Wiccan Rede entreats all of our =
> > fellowship
> > to do as we will, but remember: The most important law is to Harm None!
> > Injudicious use of passion spells, Fascination-charms or love potions =
> > to
> > bind an unwitting being to your soul, whether human lover or feline
> > familiar, is unworthy of even the Horn=E9d God! The person thus =
> > ensorcelled is
> > bereft of Freewill and becomes a mere golem without motivation of his =
> > or her
> > own. This is but a mockery of love, and if non-Wiccans find that we =
> > have
> > been practicing such strong and forbidden Magicks, their wrath would be
> > kindled and the Burning Times upon us again! Wicca is not about power =
> > or
> > control. Wicca is the sun on one's face, the breeze in one's hair, the
> > mysteries of the stars, sun, moon and everything else that science =
> > cannot
> > explain. Only by staying true to Goddess, Rede and Craft may we =
> > harmonize
> > with the ebb and flow of Nature's cycles. Stray from this, and we shall
=
> > be
> > exiled to the Dark Lands in a dark time! Blessed Parting, my brethren =
> > and
> > sistren!=20
> >
> > Morganna Goldenwand is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly =
> > column,
> > Ask A Wiccan, appears in over three newspapers nationwide. She is also =
> > the
> > author of Tread Lightly: A Guide To The Sacred Woodland Glades Of Upper
> > Illinois, and has just released a CD, Blessed Morning!, a collection of
> > Celtic chants accompanied by crystal Tibetan singing bowls