>From: "David McGlumphy" <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: North and South
>Date: Sat, 28 Jul 2001 10:43:49 -0400
>
>If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or
>moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that
>will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles ..
>
>The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater
>samiches.
>
>The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.
>
>The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.
>
>The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on
>Nails.
>
>The North has double last names .. The South has double first
>names.
>
>The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Jesse Helms.
>
>The North has an ambulance .. The South has an amalance.
>
>The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.
>
>The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.
>
>The North has lobsters .. The South has crawdads.
>
>If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
>four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
>shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This
>is what they live for.
>
>Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
>store.  Don't buy food at this store.
>
>Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
>y'all's" is plural possessive.
>
>Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
>
>The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
>Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big
>ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
>this way. All of them are in denial about it.
>
>Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.
>
>If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
>should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words
>he'll ever say.
>
>If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
>smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
>local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything
>or not. You just have to go there.
>
>Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own
>shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught
>them how to aim.
>
>AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children,
>don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the
>cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.
>
>HAVE A GOOD DAY! Send this to four people that ain't related to
>ya, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song
>'fore you know it!
>
>
>sg 07/27/2001
>


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