In a message dated 11/08/2000 2:02:39 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

> So, is trying to date nondisabled men only inviting rejection?

I don't think it is.  I'm trying to get a feel for what you are looking for
so this may or may not apply:

The problems that you experienced in your marriage are similar to the
problems I had in both of my marriages.  Both of my husbands were
nondisabled.  It sounds as though the disability factor in your ex-husband's
was a conveniently available excuse for another problem, or other problems,
he may have had that was less obvious.

You can run into the same circumstances with nondisabled guys too.  You may
not end up being a caregiver in the sense that the disability community
understands, but you could end up being an enabler for an active alcoholic,
or child of an alcoholic with unresolved issues from his childhood; you could
wind up as a live-in therapist for a guy with emotional problems; or you
could end up picking up the financial pieces for someone with extravagant
spending habits.

Not all nondisabled guys are going to look at your disability and rule you
out as a potential mate.  They are not all that shallow.  On the other hand,
not all disabled guys are going to try to turn you into their personal full
time attendant.

It's hard when you want something so much and it's not happening.  You can
begin to wonder if it ever will happen.

I am loath to quote Mr. Spock at this point in my life, but one of his lines
does seem to fit here: "After a time you may find that having a thing after
all, is not so pleasing as wanting."

I do hope that things go the way that you want them to though, and that you
are happy with the results.

Betty