----- Original Message -----
From: Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, December 10, 1999 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: Disabilities w/family & strangers


> In a message dated 12/10/1999 10:22:50 AM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> << My grandmother was more angry and afraid
>  of not being able to do what she wanted by herself, than she was of
dieing
>  from cancer.  I felt very bad for her because her last year of life was
so
>  miserable.  More than the chemo and her impending death, her loss of
control
>  and independance is what made her so miserable.  I think part of why I am
>  more comfortable with my own limitations today is because I saw how
>  devastating not letting go and accepting was to gram.  - Denise.
>   >>
> I'm not sure where this is going.  I know this is way off CP now, and
anytime
> I talk about my own disability it is that way since I don't have CP. But
what
> you said reminded me of a cousin who died of cancer when I was 20.  She
was
> in her 60s and kind of a mentor for a few years -- she was such a neat
> person.  One day I called her on the phone to chat.  When I asked her how
she
> was, she blurted out that nobody would let her talk about dying.  We all
knew
> that she was mortally ill at that point, but that subject is so hard for
> people to discuss.  I felt terrible for her because she sounded so
isolated
> with her thoughts, so I said "Virginia, I'll let you talk about dying."
>
> I don't remember what we did talk about after that.  I felt so bad for her
> though.  She knew she was on her way out and couldn't share anything with
> anyone about it.  I was only 19, so I can only hope I responded
intelligently
> to whatever she said.
>
> Denise, I think I'm going in a different direction from what you were
saying.
>  I remember that my cousin's last year was very hard because of some of
the
> same things that your grandmother went through, but I also have a vivid
> memory of that one conversation when she complained of wanting to talk
about
> end of life issues and not being able to find anyone who could listen
> comfortably.  That had such a profound impact.  I think it was a positive
> learning experience for the future though.
>
> Betty
>





Betty , you don't have Cerebral Palsy?  If I may ask what is your disability
?

Betty brought up a good point here about a cousin.  In my real life , people
don't want to hear about my disability problems , expect people who will
give me sympathy and I don't want or need that.

Kathy