Betty , I agree with Ken.  Kathy Jo






--- Betty B <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> An odd thing happened with my new next door
> neighbor over the winter, and I'm
> still thinking of the most peaceable way to
> approach the situation.
>
> When she moved in, she asked me about planting
> things in a small area of
> ground in front of my home.  She wanted to
> "take charge" of that space, as
> she stated.  This is condo land; we have some
> shared space, but that
> particular space is mine.  We had just met in
> that conversation.  She wasn't
> even finished moving in and said that to me!  I
> was taken aback by her turn
> of phrase, but decided that the arrangement
> would be useful for me as well.
> I have enough problems trying to take care of
> the inside.
>
> I told her that would be fine, but explained
> where I planned to create
> wheelchair access in that same area, so we
> could work together on the
> arrangement and each have something.  I was
> very specific about the proposed
> location, and made sure she heard me say it
> twice.  Her use of the term "take
> charge" put me on notice to do it that way.
>
> It wasn't long after that conversation, when I
> came out of my home to find
> plants all in a row and a brick border
> precisely in that location.  There is
> no way to carry out my plan without removing
> her installations.
>
> I've given this a long enough examination in
> favor of benefit of the doubt.
> This was no communication glitch.  I stated my
> case, and she stated hers in
> return.  I've been challenged.
>
> There are numerous possible answers to this
> dilemma, but finding the right
> way to straighten her out without causing a war
> between the neighbors is
> going to take a little work.  This is a woman
> who takes what she wants.
> Winning in a clumsy way will result in long
> term hostilities.
>
> Dumping a thirty year friendship over my own
> rights and dignity has already
> taken its toll this year, and I'm drained and
> depressed from that
> confrontation as well as from the events that
> led to it.  My defenses were
> low when I met this woman, and I failed to snap
> to mental attention as
> quickly as I should have.
>
> To be forewarned is to be forearmed though, so
> I've gained an advantage.  At
> the moment, I'm liking the idea of letting her
> come at me any way she wants,
> then standing aside just at the last moment.
> Her own momentum will work for
> me, and she will slam her own head into a wall.
>  Right now she thinks she's
> won, and I'm going to let her keep thinking
> that for a while.  I can't do the
> access change right now anyway, but she doesn't
> know that.
>
> I'd felt fairly beaten by this, but I don't
> seem to feel that way now.  This
> is the art of war, and I'm now inclined to be
> thankful that she has tipped
> her hand early in the game.  I admire Robert E.
> Lee, but he erred at
> Gettysburg in a way that I do not intend to err
> at Alexandria.
>
> Betty


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