ok, I havent even red any posts 4 a wile here, because 4 the first time in
10 years, I’m having christmas.  it took a long time 2 get GOO-GOO, (my
power chair), but now I’m able 2 leave the neighborhood.  I connected with
another severely disabled person that I’d known years ago.  we came together
with the force of an atom bomb!  r experiences r similar…  his whole family
accepted me immediately.  as far as my own relatives, even after I begged
them not 2 leave me alone on christmas, I didn’t even receive an email from
them til today.  it sed, “haven’t heard from u.  whats happening?”
my friends family is the same way 2 him.  I guess ol wait until after
newyears 2 answer the email.  right now om 2 upset.  no matter wat they’ve
done, I still love them & miss them.  but I do feel a lot of anger.  years
ago wen I started using a scooter, they had big problems with that.  they
couldn’t get themselves 2 bring a van 2 the station 2 pick me up.  & they
asked me 2 leave the scooter there wen I went home, because 4 som reason,
the van sitting right outside must’ve been radio active or something.  Wen I
became depressed, it was, “stop being so negitive!  yor depressing
everybody!”  shortly after that, I was excommunicated.

but I hung out with a different family this year!  we went 2 macy’s, 2 c
santa claus, we went  2 look at model trains, they showered me with gifts……
I’m in shock…!

but I’m still thinking of all the other isolated people that santa claus
past by this year.  a lotta good THAT does ‘em!  :(

heres an account of how I spent christmas b4 this miracle year.  I thought
the piece mite b entertaining 4 u guys.  I posted this on the nyc achilles
newsgroup at yahoo.  (The Achilles Track Club is an organization for
disabled athletes.)


“Christmas etc.”

As I’ve said, I’ve made some good friends at Achilles.  But because I’m so
debilitated, my connection to even these people feels “tenuous?”  (Is that
the correct word?)  I see people mostly, at these workouts.  (When they’re
mostly
pre-occupied with working off all the hot dogs they’ve just eaten!  I
“survive” on a few quick greetings.  I use the word “survive,” because it
really feels like I’ve been holding my breath for the past 5 years.  When
you can’t speak, you’re alone, even in a crowd.  Before I came here, I was
REALLY alone.  I couldn’t use a telephone, and for a year or more, I didn’t
even have email!  All the friends I’d had when I was younger, and able to
walk & talk, were gone.  My relatives couldn’t deal with my severe
disability so I was sort of “excommunicated.”  The Christmases I used to
spend with them, I now spend, playing the part of some pathetic character
from one of those old black & white movies they show every Christmas on TV!
I feel like that guy from that movie?  What’s it called?  “It’s a Miserable
Life?”  Where that guy’s, about to jump off a bridge, but an angel comes and
rescues him?  (I think the guy is Jimmy Stewart.)

OK, SO I HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION!  :)
SOO-MEE!

One Christmas Eve I rode around in the snow, looking for an accessible
church or something….  Anything!
   I found a church…  And after a while, I managed to get someone’s
attention…  “Oh I think there’s wheelchair access ‘round back, (past the
leaky atomic reactor, next to the morgue)…  Through the graveyard of the
UNDEAD………!   Well, I found the leaky atomic reactor…  THAT’S HOW I LOST MY
HAIR!  Then I went past the MORGUE...
………… Don’t those DEAD people use DEODERANT????    Now I was in the graveyard
of the UNDEAD!  (Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)  Man
it was quiet….  (OK, here it comes…)  TOO quiet!

JESUS CHRIST on a STICK!  All those GOD DAMNED NASFERATU went home to visit
RELATIVES for Christmas!  The whole freakin’ place was EMPTY!!!!!!!

But then I saw the big scary doors of Saint John the Divine’s Cathedral, in
the faint green glow of the leaky atomic reactor……  Beckoning to me!


PART 6
“Room for one more, honey!”

Well, there may’ve been room for one more, in that church, but it wasn’t
gonna be me.  ‘Cause the doors were closed, and there was nobody around to
let me in……!  I headed back into the graveyard again, on my way home…..
Stopped for a while, to take a short nap in one of the empty coffins…..  And
wouldn’t cha know it!  A guard came by, looking for STRAGGLERS!  Anyone
caught lying in their coffin,  THIS time of night, got a stake through their
heart!

This certainly was turning out to be a ROTTEN Christmas!

The pain was excruciating!  Before I could move out of the way, the guard
plunged the stake into my chest!  (I think it was a ‘T’ bone.)

A stroke of luck, though!  Remember I said I had open heart surgery, to
close a hole in my heart?  Well, it was never completely closed!  The stake
went in RIGHT THROUGH THE REMAINING OPEN HOLE, completely plugging it up!
Now I was in better shape than ever!

Suddenly I had the strength of TEN men, (or maybe 14 or 15 women)?!  I
sprang up outta the grave, broke off the extra piece of wood sticking out of
my chest, jumped on my  scooter, and headed off to the nether world,(I MEAN,
HOME)!  Where I sat in the dark…  Like my mother…..  And no doubt, her
mother before HER!     All good Russian JEWS…  Duly depressed……  Always
seeing the negative side of life…  And able to lay a GUILT TRIP like
nobody’s business!!  :)

Santa Clause never visited THEM on Christmas….!  And he wouldn’t be visiting
ME.  So at least I could stay up all night, switching channels, hoping for
something to watch!  (For those who might not know, Santa ONLY comes if
YOU’RE FAST ASLEEP!)

OK!  So I got FREE open heart surgery……  ON Christmas Eve!  Open heart
surgery is not an appropriate gift for either Christmas OR Chanukah! A train
set would’ve been just fine!

END OF ACHILLES POST:

This was part of a 13 part post, about my experiences at achilles.

Happy Noo Year…!  :)


















>From: Deri James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: "St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List"
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Holiday Wishes
>Date: Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:43:07 +0000
>
>On Thursday 29 Dec 2005 21:36, Bobby Greer wrote:
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Deri James" <[log in to unmask]>
> > Newsgroups: bit.listserv.c-palsy
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2005 1:11 PM
> > Subject: Re: Holiday Wishes
> >
> > > On Wednesday 28 Dec 2005 05:53, ken barber wrote:
> > >>  i have seen nothing on this list that would even hint
> > >> at being jealous of another's accomplishments. when a
> > >> list member accomplishes something good, i have
> > >> noticed congrats from all around.
> > >>
> > >>
> > > Oh, and while I'm on, hope everyone has a fantastic New Year.
> >
> >   Deri ,
> >
> >     Be careful in London! We wouldn't want anything unfortunnate
>happening
> > to our Brittish colleague.
> >
> > Bobby
>
>Thanks Bobby, I'm always careful - particularly when I'm not being good!!
>
>Cheers
>
>Deri