I didn't bother cutting and snipping so I apologize for the length.
Traditionally in my practice I start getting the not making friends around
2nd grade on up.  During this time, children generally make friends over
physical games with rules such as soccer, kickball and other sports.  Around
fourth grade, children start forming clicks and other groupings.  Your
daughter's experience shows that just because kids are being mainstreamed,
doesn't mean they are part of the mainstream.  I'm glad you expressed the
positive parts of your daughter.  I can't take the sting out of adolescence
for her (personally, I had much more fun when I was out of high school) but,
I can offer a few suggestions that might help give her a little bit of a
support group.  Is your daughter able to access the web or the phone?  Does
she have a communication device?  How about her friend accross town that cp?
You want your daughter to link with other kids who have cp or disablities so
that she knows she's not alone.  Also, look for activities that she enjoys
in the community, this can include girl scouts, church groups, art groups.
In our area, some people have started businesses to provide art, dance, etc
for kids.  Sometimes you can get these through your rec department.  Start
asking around.  Hope that helps a little.


Beth the OT

-----Original Message-----
From: St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List
[mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf Of Shawn Carolan-Abell
Sent: Wednesday, March 01, 2000 8:00 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Childhood and frienships


This is not a political post but very personal.  I will accept email
privately if you wish to do so.
My daughter is ten in the fourth grade and the social issues are getting
really hard.  Kids will play on the playground and socialize at school but
not outside of it.  I have in the past made sure she had girlfriends over,
playdays on the weekends.  She is getting older and it's almost not my
place anymore to be making these arrangements.  I've noticed that kids
don't take the time to listen to her finish speaking and it's hard for them
understand what she says.  I see them run away and go play and that she can
not catch up and is left behind.  She drives an electric scooter at school
and uses a handheld or a walker.  I've seen how sophisticated they are all
getting around her.  Some are not returning phone calls either.  I think we
are headed into unknown territory.  What else is new.  My thoughts now are
should I keep her active in her own interests or really try to push the
friends with the NDA kids even more.  We live in a beautiful small town,
great school and out in the country where arrangements have to be made.
They all seem to be in soccer ect on the weekends.  In the summer I try to
have her see her other friend who has cp who lives far away and be around
more kids with disablities.
My daughter is creative and poetic and one of the bravest, strongest people
I have ever met. She loves art and animals and so far, I think has a good
sense of self esteem. Teenagers always appreciate her great sense of humor
and she is so savy and can size people up within an eye blink.  She also is
so imaginative and spends time in fantasy.  Soo any words of wisdom?  I
can't believe the other mothers of NDA kids who are so oblivious but it's
not their fault and thats another subject.  So I turn to all of you who
know more than I do about friendships when you have a disablity.  It breaks
my heart to think she may be lonely and I dont' know what to do about it.
Or if there is anything I can do.   I don't ask for help that often but I
am now.
thanks ahead,
Shawn