In a message dated 04/17/2001 12:23:56 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

> Betty,
>      I'm so sorry that you had to go through losing your sister to suicide!
>  (((((H)))))
>      Susan

Thanks Susan, you are very kind.  I usually don't dwell on that but chose to
this past weekend.

It was hell for my Mom because my Dad was in John's Hopkins at the same time
having surgery to fix an aneurysm in his aorta.  We didn't tell my Dad that
Becky was dead until he was back home.  Mom had to keep that too herself.  My
Dad died on the following Christmas morning.  I think he was close anyway,
but I suspect that this pushed him over the edge.

It's in the front of my mind right now because I just had to go through old
photo albums where Mom put a lot of information like Becky's birth
certificate, marriage records, etc.  Becky's son will get a certain portion
of Mom's insurance from her government job, but in order for him to get that,
I have to produce Becky's marriage and death certificates, and I think
Bobby's birth certificate too.  As the executrix, I should have done this
months ago, but I just couldn't face looking at those albums, with all those
pictures of my family.  Bobby knows about this; I told him.  He's been a
sweetheart about this and hasn't pushed me.  I don't think he realizes what I
have to sort through to get the information though.  He just seems to be very
understanding and I am glad that we are in each other's lives.  I really love
him.

It sounds horrible probably, but it isn't all that.  I just knew it was going
to be hard so I put it off and chose last week to do it.  Then I went to the
AOL message boards just so I could find a few articles to keep up with things
that are going on now.  I wasn't expecting to find all that 'let em die'
euthanasia conversation.

I've always had this philosophy of "Well yes, some of that stuff was bad in
my family, but what can I do with that information for good things now?  It
seems to have turned into a mega value for life.  Maybe I am too passionate,
I don't know.  I just can't seem to effect change.

But, I can!  Now that I think about it.  We all can.  I just got an e-mail
from somebody who has been reading my messages on the message board.  He (or
she) replied to one of my posts.  Some jerk posted an incredibly cold message
to another person who was disabled, I think.  I can't remember the details
but this one really made me mad, so I asked him "if his parents had any
children who lived."

The guy who replied to me personally said that he loved my posts (plural),
and to "give em hell."  I really shouldn't have posted that message, but I
just couldn't resist.  I suppose it wasn't the most edifying disability
rights posts anyone has ever posted, but for a moment I felt good, and now I
see that it made someone else laugh too, but he likes my posts!  Somebody is
reading this stuff!

Hey, what are ya gonna do?  Like I said, I gotta keep moving.  I am still
alive so I have to move forward.

Betty