Anee,

Mag and Betty give you good advice.  Bobby has suggested you slow down.  And I believe I have too.  The suggestions won't do more good than you allow.  People give advice sooner than take it.

We were all young once.  Some-well me, especially-think we still are.  So we tend to know something of how life used to be when we were your age.  In our admiration and love of you we want to make sure you get to "older."

One of the toughest people you'll ever deal with is yourself.  Life only allows for so many mistakes.  At some point you look into a mirror and realize that you are responsible for Anee.  Friends and family will come and go.  You will always be with yourself. 

I'm one of those people who usually won't take "No!" for an answer.  I've changed the world because of my determination.  I'm also a person who knows how to say "No."  My mother used say that I was a wonderful easy child until I learned the magnificent monosyllable.  Then I forgot and spent teens and early adulthood wanting to please others.  Fortunately I had the health and stamina to be available, but my life wasn't going anywhere because I couldn't set and hold to my own agenda.

What I finally learned was my opinion of myself, my self-respect, was more important than what someone else thought of me.  Obviously, friends and allies had to sort through the change in me.  Those worthwhile to me have, those who haven't aren't worthwhile to me.  Not as friends.

Anee it's ok and important to set boundaries and pace your self: crucial, actually.  And Anee when you say others won't take no for an answer you really mean Anee won't "take" no for an answer to anybody.  This is all part of your education.  I am sure you're a fine scholar.
      
Be well, Anee.  Know I admire and care about you.
 
Steve   

-----Original Message-----
From: St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf Of Betty B
Sent: Sunday, November 05, 2000 2:00 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: One Big Day

> Now I certinaly did not want to do the ski swap and this is the problem
>  people won't take no for an answer.

They will if that's the only answer you'll give them.  Anee, you have the
right to say "no."

I wish I had been more assertive with people when I was in my twenties and
thirties.  I let people "who wouldn't take no for an answer" run me ragged.
When I needed help though, most of them were nowhere to be found.  In
retrospect, I cannot believe the way I used to let people abuse me.

I tell you Anee, if there is anything that jerks my jaw (makes me mad), it's
having to say "no" twice.  When I say "no" the first time, by God I mean it.
As a matter of fact, I've been known to tell people exactly that when I've
felt that the occasion called for it.  I smile when I say it, and nobody
takes advantage of me anymore.

People respect that too.  They respect that attitude a lot more than they
would if I bowed down to them every time they wanted something.

Anee, I've admired you for some time.  I think you know that.  Your spirit
for volunteerism and concern for others is a rare and valuable commodity!
You are someone others should want to emulate, and you will leave a great
legacy for them to follow.  Please though, please don't let people take
advantage of your kind and generous nature.  They will if you allow them to,
and you are too good for that.  Again I say, you have the right to say "no."

You were put on this earth to do great things Anee, but that doesn't include
catering to other people whims.  If you don't want to do a particular thing
someone asks you to do, you don't have to do it.

You don't have to do it!

Love you girl,
Betty