A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago, returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space .

 Understandably, he shot her.

 ********

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Beltway had escaped .

Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride .

He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies .

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days .

 ********

An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train .

When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was
simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit .

 ********

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen .

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having
sex with a boy .

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon .
The mother became enraged and screamed,
"Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
 "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am .

It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and
three wise men came . And I was just checking ...

 ********

When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, the would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder  :

He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again . This time it worked
.

 ********

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company .

The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look
for himself .
He tried the machine out and lost a finger .

 The chef's claim was approved .

 ********

 Bonus extra

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something
.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window .
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
Please, don't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the
driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all .

Today is my first day driving a cab . I have been driving a hearse for the
last 25 years .


 Martin H. Slusser
 Author: LOST, NOT FOUND
 www.storiesbyemail.com