Good old military.  An apex of insularity and assault.

Great that you fought.  Better that you survived.  Now I see the odds.
You deserve awards for your efforts.

Re: your feelings.  They're yours to share or not.  Pick and choose, as do
all of us.

Steve

>From: Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: hostility toward PWDs (betty an Deri)
>Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 06:58:37 EST
>
>In a message dated 12/11/1999 1:48:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
>[log in to unmask] writes:
>
><< I'll second your notion on Deri.
>  I just read your prior post on your second Fire Depart "experience" and
>  Deri's reply.  I wonder why you absorbed the trauma and brutality and
>  didn't fight back.  You were being tested and taunted by bullies.  You
>  were being discriminated against. threatened, and harassed because of
>  your sex.  Why didn't you sue or file a discrimination complaint?  Why
>  didn't you "confront" the ringleaders, stand your ground.
>  I'm not trying to be critical or give a lecture.  I honestly don't know
>  what I would have done were I in your position.  What I'm trying to
>  understand is what happened to your personal power and your class
>  consciousness.  Were you really so helpless and fearful?
>
>I never said I didn't fight back.  Every day was a fight.  I went through
>my
>chain of command, I filed a 22 page affidavit with the EEO, and I used
>every
>bit of power at my disposal to combat that situation.  When the culture of
>an
>organization is such that discrimination is ignored, the person who is
>being
>victimized is not going to find help.  Blinders are standard issue in that
>organization.  I finally requested a congressional investigation.  The
>Commanding Officer (Dept. of the Navy) lied in his response, and that was
>the
>end of the investigation.  By that time, I was unable to fight any longer.
>Believe me, I did all that I could do and I didn't have a blasted shred of
>help in this -- not from anyone.  Trust me, I can look at myself in the
>mirror.
>
>  I also don't see what occurs now to bring up the feelings you dread.
>  New circumstances, same feelings?  Then you may need to deal with the
>  feelings if they're not based on circumstances.   Some of this has to do
>  with you, not the circumstances, how you feel and respond to aspects of
>  circumstances.
>
>Let's just say that I regret posting what I posted Steve.  I don't talk
>about
>this otherwise, and I'm sorry I made an exception in this case.
>
>  Powerlessness, vulnerability, and disability intertwine.  I've no easy
>  answer here.  I've dealt differently at different times.  I try to let
>  fear inform, not rule, me.  Sometimes I maintain the balance, sometimes
>  not.  Not easy, no  rose garden (besides, they have thorns).
>  Perhaps like you I'm in the process of finding and building the new me
>  out of the ashes of the old.  That's why I've become more the hermit,
>  because my old outerwear doesn't fit, and I'm still learning how to make
>  what's left work.  I even get some of your symptoms when my naked spinal
>  cord decides to fry my hands and feet.  Sometimes my body's alive, other
>  times numb and drooping.  None of my limbs move as before.  It's taken
>  years and the hulk little by little gets stronger and gives me the
>  energy to face the day.  When I venture out all's pot luck.  Guess I
>  still get the chance to tell the tale.
>  Just keep moving where you want to go.  You'll get there.
>   >>

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