Deri,
It sounds like what you did as far as the safety net issue with your kids
was effective and kept them reasonable safe as well as allowing them to
exercise their judgement and independence. If it works use it. In my
opinion, I think many nondisabled parents rely too much on using their
physical abilities to control and protect their kids. If a preschooler won't
do what the parent wants they just pick them up and carry them off to
whereever they want them to go, for example. I was highly verbal with my
kids since birth. I always tried to tell them what to expect ahead of time
and always let them know what the consequence would be when they were not
complying. Hence, its not neccessary to be physical with them, except for
affection. Renee


>From: Deri James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: "St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List"
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Parenting and CP
>Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2000 01:20:28 +0000
>
>                   Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>
>[snip]
>
>There have been an awful lot of posts recently on parenting and
>smacking, and whereas I have never felt the need to practice it
>on my children, I do not think it is such a "big thing". What is
>important is that you are always consistent. That the punishment
>you "threaten" is always carry out.
>
>There is no point at all in threatening a punishment which you
>(and the child) knows you will not carry out. I have heard
>Mother's say "If you do that again Santa will bring no toys this
>Xmas" (this in August), and the kid just grins and does it anyway
>because he "knows" the threat is inappropriate and will not
>happen.
>
>If the child knows that the punishment for a certain behaviour is
>a slap on the legs, then a slap on the legs should be what is
>received - there should be no anger. I was smacked several times
>at school, slippers, hairbrush, ruler, cane, were all used at
>different times, but I always "knew" that would be the result (if
>I got caught!) so to me it seemed fair.
>
>To state that smacking (or lack of it) is somehow related to IQ
>is rather strange, as if a high IQ makes someone less violent.
>
>There is one thing which I really would like your input on with
>regard to parenting, I'd love to know how you lot cope with the
>following:-
>
>As a parent it is our job to make sure our kids come to no
>physical harm. I often see Dad's "hovering" underneath climbing
>frames, trees, etc. while little Johnny is doing a fearless
>Tarzan act. Now, due to my disability, I am unlikely to be able
>to do this safety net job. If little Johnny falls out of the tree
>one of three things could happen:-
>
>    I could miss Johnny completely.
>
>    I could miss Johnny completely, lose my balance and fall on
>    top of him with 10 stone.
>
>    I could miss Johnny completely, lose my balance and fall on
>    Frankie (someone elses little boy - and His Dad's a lot bigger
>    than me!!)
>
>For this reason I have always told my kids that I will not catch
>them if they fall. Even such things as walking along the top of a
>low wall where they wan't someone to hold their hand for balance,
>I refused. I did not forbid such "dangerous" activities just that
>they were on their "own".
>
>This has had interesting effects:-
>
>    Initially they were very conservative in what they would
>    attempt.
>
>    They soon exceeded their peers in hand/eye coordination.
>
>    They all have a very strong sense of independence based on
>    their confidence in being able to handle situations on their
>    own.
>
>Just wondered if any other CP parents had similar situations.
>
>I suppose the same situation applies in reverse to the parents of
>CPers on the list:-
>
>When do you remove that safety net?
>
>I remember my Mum saying that when I was  8 or 9 she'd see me in
>the back garden trying to climb the garden fence after my sister
>and all her friends into the orchard next door, and knowing that
>even if I got to the top my technique for getting down was just
>to let go. Rather than rush out and lift me over she go away from
>the window and start dusting, one ear straining for the sound
>that signalled I had managed to hit the clump of nettles that
>always acted like a magnet.
>
>I really admired her for that.
>
>--
>Deri James

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