Army Christmas operations order:

Subject: Christmas

1. An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this
headquarters 25 December 1999.  The following instructions will be in
effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.

a.  Not a creature will stir without official permission.  This will
include indigenous mice.  Special stirring permits for necessary
administrative actions will be obtained through normal channels.  Mice
stirring permits will be obtained through the Ofiice of the Surgeon
General, Veterinary Services.

b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200
hours, 24 December 1999.  Uniform for the nap will be:  Pajamas, cotton,
light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap,
camouflage w/ear flaps.  Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900
hours, 24 December 1999.

c. Personnel will utilize standard field ration sugar plums for visions
to dance through their heads.  Artificially sweetened plums are
authorized for those in their unit weight control program.
Specifications for this item will be provied by the servicing dining
facility.

d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care.
Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused
by carelessly hung stockings.  Unit safety Officers will submit stocking
hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1999,
ATTN:  DCSLOG, for approval.

e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring
from their beds to evaluate noise and cause.  Immediate action will be
taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes.
ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this
headquarters, 2 February 1998, will be in effect to facilitate shutter
tearing and sash throwing.  Division chiefs will familiarize all
personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no
shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown open prior to start of
official clatter.

f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 1999, all personnel will be assigned
"Wondering Eye" stations.  After shutters are thrown open and sashes are
torn, these stations will be manned.

g. ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8)
deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus' driver who, in accordance with
current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF
56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking
and be able to shout "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up
Comet,
up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen".

2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys.  All units
without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during
ceremonies.  Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job
Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19
December 1999,
and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and
to all a good night."  This shout will be given on termination of General
Claus' visit.  Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division
chiefs.

/s/
CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE
Colonel, USA
OIC, Special Services
Distribution:
Everybody Who Still Believes
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