There's a newspaper in the small California town of Aracta, called The 
Arcata Eye, and they publish a police log.  Now, normally one would expect 
such things to be dry reading, but the editor apparently decided to spice 
things up, and here is a sample log.

For more logs, go to:  http://www.arcataeye.com/police/

Waved stick curtails curiosity
by Kevin L. Hoover
·       Thursday, April 18 11:41 p.m. Walking behind a Valley West 
supermarket, a man reported three kids hitting him up for money, then 
following him. He survived; they weren’t found.
·       Saturday, April 20 1:10 a.m. Two parties kludged together near 
Alliance Road and Spear Avenue. Tons of cars, noise, the whole bit.
1:26 a.m. Sophisticates on upper H Street gathered for highbrow hijinks 
distinguished by blasting music, yelling, banging things and even jumping 
up and down. The hostess agreed to quell the genteel social pursuits.
1:57 a.m. In the 2900 block of Mack Road, party-time jollity included loud 
people and music, plus “strange flashes.”
2:12 a.m. An allegedly drunken traveler staggered into a perpetual donut 
mecca, where he was arrested on multiple warrants and a public drunkenness 
charge, then Pink Housed.
4:57 a.m. Every morning, neighbors say, the dog in Tina Court wakes up 
about this time, and so must they.
9:23 a.m. Pallets and milk crates again magically disappeared from behind a 
Westwood center store.
9:35 a.m. Loose dogs owned Cedar Drive for a time. The owner was warned.
10:55 a.m. A small brown and white dog ran in and out of traffic in the 
1900 block of Old Arcata Road. An officer went to check on the little 
pooch, which couldn’t be found.
11:28 a.m. Fun Bunchers celebrated the Holiest of Holy holidays, attracting 
police to what must be the most well-furnished train tracks in the universe.
2:17 p.m. Two jackets left unattended in a Plaza bar were of course 
immediately stolen.
3:22 p.m. A female suspect was implicated in the theft of some 120-130 
magazines from a Fourth Street market.
3:32 p.m. An aggressive dog left in the back of a pickup truck on Ninth 
Street had driven off when police arrived.
4:34 p.m. All kinds of cars were parked in the area of Park Avenue and 
Fickle Hill Road as their drivers went to smoke dope in Redwood Park. This 
year, APD’s presence at 420 was minimal and limited to calls for service, 
but none were received.
·       Sunday, April 21 1:59 a.m. Bar closing time, and fists bloomed like 
five-fingered flowers just south of an historic Plaza storehouse.
2:24 a.m. An alleged drunk was arrested near an historic Plaza hotel, then 
Pinked.
2:25 a.m. An alleged drunk was arrested in the not particularly historic 
600 block of Tenth Street, then Pinked.
8:50 a.m. His ex had related to him with well-aimed kicks and the business 
end of a bottle, he said. That was seven weeks ago, and he was just 
reporting the alleged assault.
11:13 a.m.
’Twixt train track and overgrown bramble
Fun Bunchers cavort and like, gambol
Some jesting, some joking
Perhaps sometimes toking
Till p’licemen swing through on a ramble.
1:11 p.m. The question is, who hangs on to his all-weather guitar when the 
Fun Bunch’s premier bluesman spends a stint in the Pink House on a public 
drunkenness charge?
1:51 p.m. With guitarless bluesman in custody, an officer backed his 
cruiser into the fence by the mammoth compost heap, causing minor damage.
·       Monday, April 22
1:13 a.m. What the – ?
3:36 a.m. Not again!
6:14 a.m. Too much.
6:28 a.m. Why?
10:29 a.m. Lights on a business sign were vandalized in the 1100 block of 
11th Street.
11:30 a.m. A residence in the 500 block of Fourth Street was reported 
burgled and vandalized.
1:48 p.m. A child was reported bitten by a pit bull left tethered to a 
vehicle in the hospital parking lot, but when an officer arrived the dog 
was inside the car and the child hadn’t been chomped. The dog’s owner was 
to be contacted later.
3:11 p.m. A cocktail-enraptured man settled down for a siesta on the 
sidewalk in the 1500 block of G Street.
3:31 p.m. A Trinidad man came to the station asking to be cited for an 
outstanding arrest warrant. He was cited to appear in court May 22.
7:21 p.m. Someone stole CDs and stuff from a car parked in a Wisteria Way 
driveway.
8:35 p.m. A drunk was trying to drive away from the ER, where it seemed as 
though he’d be returning in pieces before too long if he were allowed to 
get behind the wheel. He and a similarly spirited female companion promised 
they wouldn’t be driving that night.
10:49 p.m. A woman left the hospital before she could be detained by staff, 
who said she had taken some 20 to 25 15 milligram Welbutrin tablets, had 
been drinking and who had methamphetamine “on board.” She was located and 
returned to the hospital.
11:13 p.m. More loud drumming at a partially completed West End Road 
subdivision.
·       Tuesday, April 23 12:15 a.m. A person passing through the 1100 
block of K Street came upon a shopping cart in the roadway. When he went to 
move the obstruction, a bearded figure approached in a state of defensive 
aggression, as though the citizen were a competing Neanderthal attempting 
to steal a fresh heap of carrion. Grasped in the bearded one’s hand was 
that timeless symbol of humanity – a fist-clenched stick, with which the 
passerby was warded away from the marooned cart. Police were called, 
arrived and were “out with cart,” but the bearded one, his stick, pea coat 
and baseball cap were nowhere to be found.
1:33 a.m. They told her she was in no condition to leave the ER. “You’re in 
no condition to leave the ER,” they said. So what did she do? Leave the ER. 
Police found her at a strip mall across the freeway. She struggled a bit 
until they strapped her into the bed, then wisely surrendered to the 
inevitable.
6:20 a.m. A Samoa Boulevard resident awoke to find a dog, a large gold pit 
bull, stationed at her front door. Though it appeared docile, she was 
afraid to go outside and instead called police. Officers found the pooch, 
cited the owner and relocated the dog to the Corp Yard.
11:25 a.m. Someone left a voice mail saying they were going to burn the 
place down.
11:36 a.m. A sexually offensive person registered as required.
12:02 p.m. Graffiti was etched into the front door of a business.
1:16 p.m. An Arcata institution as cherished as that I Street cooperative 
supermarket should never be shoplifted. One in custody.
2:44 p.m. A redwood forest as cherished as the one off 14th Street should 
never have drug-addled bozos wandering its trails.
2:58 p.m. An F Street handicapped parking spot reserved for those who need 
as much close access as possible should never be occupied by a lazy 
non-disabled person.
3:13 p.m. A kid was warned about being too young to kill himself with 
cigarettes at the Intermodal Transient facility.
4:38 p.m. Three travelers near the ITF were cited for marijuana possession.
5 p.m. Same handicapped parking spot as before; same $330 fine for a 
different lazy-abled person.
5:24 p.m. Alleged shoplifter in custody at the F Street supermarket.
11:35 p.m. A person was walking along Tavern Row when two figures came 
hurtling out of a bar, wrestling and fighting with each other. One manly 
man actually picked the other up and heaved him into a car, breaking the 
windshield. Police soon located the suspect, described as “resistive and 
highly uncooperative,” and arrested him on charges of public intoxication 
and probation violation.
·       Wednesday, April 24 5:21 a.m. Her version: He tried to assault her 
and busted up her stuff, then took off. His version: He accidentally broke 
a lamp and cut himself before departure.
8:46 a.m. The wheels, tires and a stereo were stripped from a vehicle 
parked in the 1400 block of Buttermilk Lane.
12:59 p.m. Alleged shoplifter in custody at an I Street cooperative 
supermarket.
1:01 p.m. In the greenest part of the lower forest, just up the trail from 
the 14th Street gate, a he and she allegedly broke out their own green – 
nugs. Things got greener still, when a uniformed park ranger appeared 
unexpectedly. His ticket book was soon two lighter.
1:49 p.m. Alleged shoplifter in custody at an I Street cooperative 
supermarket.
1:59 p.m. A woman said she was being stalked by someone who came to her 
work two days in a row.
2:21 p.m. A high school student said he was bitten by a “pocket gopher” at 
school.
2:50 p.m. A bike was stolen from L.K. Wood Boulevard at Granite Avenue.
3:04 p.m. A youth was cited for impeding use of a police radio at the high 
school.
3:37 p.m. A former employee keeps coming back to harass and annoy people, a 
complainant said. His behavior is becoming very strange, and he’s no longer 
welcome there.
4:55 p.m. A person reported threats by a housemate. The accused said the 
accuser was harassing him. As you can see, the rough parity of their 
competing claims created something of a moral stalemate.
9:11 p.m. A car crashed into a building in the 400 block of G Street, then 
did something the building couldn’t do – drove off northbound on G Street.
11:35 p.m. A big whoop-te-do wingding in a budget motel room in Valley West 
didn’t shut down without some hard feelings.