As with worry and toxic shame/guilt being removed from controlling my life,
I've stopped being run by other people's opinions and attitudes.  That
leaves me freer to maneuver and get on with getting what's important for me.

Yes, I practice the finger up yours rule; sometimes with lubricant,
sometimes without.

See a disabled child: show pity and offer a cure.  Benign discrimination.

People mistake their attitudes for reality.  Don't realize they knee-jerk.
Comes with the wiring.

Your kids have moms and dads who "get it."  That's all the love and
validation necessary.

S.

----- Original Message -----
From: "joanne" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2000 11:42 AM
Subject: Re: Meeting People


> > I can't say how many times (and he's only 3 years old) that I have
already
> =
> > heard from people who meet Anthony "Oh, but he'll outgrow it (CP)" or
"But
> =
> > he will walk some day" or "Isn't it a shame he can't play like other =
> > children". I used to grit my teeth or come back with a caustic remark.
Now
> =
> > I just smile and let them know that I am happy with how he is and
wouldn't
> =
> > want him to be other than the wonderful little boy he is. Most people
look
> =
> > at me with a mixture of shock (that I wouldn't want my son to be
"normal")
> =
> > or pity ("poor thing must be in denial"). Then the typical response is "
=
> > But he's so cute..." like it's a shame for him to be cute AND
> handicapped..=
> > . URGHHH. Most people just don't get it (including my Mom).
>
>
> When Alex was younger and still in a regular stroller I really didn't much
> reaction from people. Once he was independantly mobile in his WC ( rather
> than dependant on me to push him in his stroller) people started to give
us
> those pity looks. It didn't make sense to me why independance over
> depencancy was pitied but it was. I have found that MY attitude towards
Alex
> affects others attitude towards him. I treat his WC as his feet. A normal
> toddler/preschooler will wander from mom ( he's already escaped from a
> public restroom while I needed to use the toilet. Those push buttons that
> make doors open can be a BAD thing at times!!!!!!). He got scolded for
> escaping and people walking by just grinned...a normal kid after all. A
> toddler/preschooler likes to be carried at times. With the WC I just walk
> beside Alex holding hands as I more or less pull him along. We talk and
> laugh and other parent kid things. My attitude tells others how to act
> towards him although I'm not above giving my mother arch eyebrow to anyone
> who is slow picking up the message.
> Joanne
>
>