And now for something completely different..



(a classic email)



Subject: 2003 Edition Workplace Vocabulary



   Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2003 editions of the workplace vocabulary :

>

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
 missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
 advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children,Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
 turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
 home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've
just made a BIG mistake.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm,
 then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING

STRESS MASTER: A person who thrives on causing stress in their co-workers.