Hi all!

I just had a thought to ask you if you've had the problem I'm having now.  On
the surface, it might sound petty, but it's been getting to me.  Can I whine
for a minute here, and then ask if you've ever had a similar problem?

As most of you know, I've been trying to take care of my Mother since she's
been out of the hospital for colon cancer surgery.  This has not been an easy
task, since I have major physical issues of my own, particularly with
fatigue.  Nevertheless, we've managed somehow.

Unfortunately, my Mom has not been trying very hard to get back on her feet.
She was supposed to be coming downstairs and doing things from the first day
she was home, but she didn't venture down the stairs for nearly two weeks.
She finally came down yesterday, at the insistence of the visiting nurse who
could see that I just couldn't take anymore.  I've been carting meals
upstairs three times a day, and not even getting decent meals for myself as a
result.  I've had to let a lot of things for myself go.  As a result of all
this, I now have pain most of the time in the one place that I didn't have
pain all the time: my arms and shoulders.

I would be a little more sympathetic toward my Mom, but she has made me drag
her through the process of knowing that she was ill, finally going to the
doctor, then finding out that she waited too long to go.

She has not done anything to help herself without making me push her after
she has complained sufficiently so that I finally said, "Mom, either you're
going to do something about this or not.  I can sympathize with your physical
pain and your fear of the future, but if you don't make some decisions for
treatment, I really can't help you."  I'm afraid she will suffer in the long
run, but she has really taken me apart physically and psychologically this
winter.

She has treated me like I'm a bit of a villain, and my friends who have come
to visit and be kind to her haven't been treated much better.  Trisha has
gone above and beyond the call of duty in this regard, and has brought my Mom
presents, visited her in the hospital, etc., etc.  But I don't think my Mom
has been very nice to her either.  This really chaps my you-know-what (I
speak figuratively since I'm a "goil") because Trisha and Amber have been
terrific friends to her, and I love them.

So, now that I've vented, I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through
something like this and how you've handled it?  I am starting to be up front
with my Mom about this attitude toward people who are being nice to her, and
how she needs to get off her duff and start helping herself (kindly -- I'm
not saying cruel things to her), and that seems to be making a difference.
But really, she has been acting like I'm terrible for not becoming
"undisabled" for the duration of her physical issues.  It's quite a slam to
me because I really do feel like I've done everything within my power to be
helpful.

Thanks for letting me vent -- hoping to hear your story.
Betty