With parenting, its important to ask yourself what the goal is. Are you
raising your child yo be an adult, to make their own decisions and face the
logical consequences, to delay gratification and be responsible to
him/herself and others? Or are you raising them to be totally dependent on
your way of viewing the world and doing things, and unable to think for
themselves? I believe the latter is the true definition of "spoiling".

I will also say that I made an early mistake with my daughter, because I
didn't want people to believe I had children to care for me, so I delayed
somewhat giving her age-appropriate responsibilities, like picking up toys,
etc. Fortunately, she's still 6, so there's time to correct this.


>From: Toddy <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: "St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List"
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Parenting and CP
>Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2000 22:41:00 -0700
>
>I’ve been hestiant to express my opinion on parenting - and I’m
>definitely opinionated.  Parents should set boundries, all sorts of
>boundries.  My sons were not allowed to play in the street.  They
>knew exactly how far down the sidewalk they could ride their trikes.
>Friends thought I was far too strict.  Later the boys knew how far
>they could go on their bikes.  Within their boundries, children need
>lots of “carefully supervised neglect”.  Dori’s description of her
>mum watching her climb the fence is a perfect example of what I mean
>by “carefully supervised neglect”.
>
>Parents also need to teach children to made decisions, starting with
>simple choices between two equal options.  “Do you want orange juice
>or grape juice?” not “what do you want to drink?”.
>
>You start very young with a very short lease and slowly lengthen it.
>If you have taught your children to set their own boundries and made
>sound decisions, they will not even realize when you let go.  Both my
>sons went straight from high school into the Marines.  I knew they
>would be fine.  Some of the same friends who thought I was too strict
>when our kids were young worried every time their teenagers left the
>house.  Some of them had reason to worry.
>
>Deri James wrote:
>
> > When do you remove that safety net?
> >
> > I remember my Mum saying that when I was  8 or 9 she'd see me in
> > the back garden trying to climb the garden fence after my sister
> > and all her friends into the orchard next door, and knowing that
> > even if I got to the top my technique for getting down was just
> > to let go. Rather than rush out and lift me over she go away from
> > the window and start dusting, one ear straining for the sound
> > that signalled I had managed to hit the clump of nettles that
> > always acted like a magnet.
> >
> > I really admired her for that.
> >
> > --
> > Deri James

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