These had me laughing out loud!
Pam


>
>
> DOCTORS' NOTES ON PATIENT'S CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES UNEDITED!)
>
> Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
> On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared
> completely.
> She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
> very hot in bed last night.
> The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
> The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
> depressed.
> Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
> Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
> The patient refused an autopsy.
> The patient has no past history of suicides.
> Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
> Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only
> a 40 lb weight gain in the past three days.
> Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
> Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
> Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to
> work her up.
> She is numb from her toes down.
> While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
> The skin was moist and dry.
> Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
> Patient was alert and unresponsive.
> Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
> She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
> got a divorce.
> I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
> Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
> The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
> The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
> stockbroker instead.
> Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
> The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
> Patient was seen by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I
> agree.
> Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
> Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
>
>
>
>