>>> [log in to unmask] 05/27/00 01:25AM >>>

It's ironic now that I am the one who needs help, the people I worked so hard
for can't seem to remember they once called me friend, but my cousin has been
making ongoing offers to me and my Mom.  I need her help, I just plain need
help!  But I am too ashamed to ask her for it.  This is the most profound
lesson I have ever learned.  I'll be thinking about this from time to time
for the rest of my life.<<<<<

Betty

My advice FWIW is to take your cousin up on her offers to help.

 As I said in my earlier post, we got a lot of wonderful help from virtual strangers. One nurse, Dale, at the hospital where I work offered to come and walk the floors with Ant ( he screamed from cholic 16 hours a day til he was 9 months old) or watch the boys while Mark and I had a hot meal or a shower ( a distinct luxury in those days). I really hadn't known her well before the boys were born but she was insistent in her offers and ended up becoming a regular visitor for a while. She also did Christmas baking for me that first Christmas. 
She told me both of her children (now in university) had been preemies and she remembered how exhausting and stressful that time in her life was. She recalled how helpful it was to her to have a few moments of respite here and there. The woman who had helped her, never accepted more than verbal thanks from Dale. But she told her: "I don't need any help right now. Someone helped me when I needed it and now I'm helping you. When you can, you will help someone, too." And so Dale came into our lives 20 years later to help when we needed her.

Maybe you are the person your cousin needs to help right now...

Yvonne