"I. S. Margolis" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> A 6 year old boy was found floating in the Atlantic Ocean today
> after being set adrift from Israel on a giant matzoh.  The boy,
> Eliat Ginsburg, and his mother, set out from Israel in an
> attempt to reach the Jewish Homeland, Miami. They started out
> in a small boat, the S.S. Shanapunim, which capsized when the
> American captain forgot that ocean waves near Israel go from
> right to left. Eliat's heroic mother quickly pieced together
> the matzoh-raft and put him on it, then drowned under the
> weight of her gold jewelry. Her last words to her son were
> reported to be "Don't marry a Shiksa. She'll eat your HEART
> out. (glug) (glug)."
>
> Eliat was soon picked up by a passing Gefilte fishing boat, and
> taken to Miami, after a quick nosh, a nice piece cake,
> whatever. There, he was turned over to the custody of his
> closest relatives, his great uncle, L'Chaim Ginsburg, and his
> 21 year old female cousin, M'shugena Ginsburg.  He moved into
> their home in a Retirement Community on a golf course.
>
> Shortly thereafter, his father, Jacob Moses Ginsburg, who was
> still in Israel, was notified. He almost plotzed, and was taken
> to the Plotz Unit of a nearby hospital, where he was given a
> chicken soup capsule and released. He then demanded to come to
> the U.S. to bring his son back. Since it was Friday night, he
> walked to Miami.
>
> However, Eliat's Miami relatives opposed the way he was being
> raised in Israel. They claimed that in Israel, he had no
> freedom, no rights, no tennis lessons. Neighbors gathered
> around the Miami relatives' house to prevent the authorities
> for taking him away. They held up signs that read
>
> "Stay away! Every one of our sons are lawyers and they're
> single, too if you know a nice girl." Meanwhile, they plied the
> boy with gifts to show him how wonderful it was in America. He
> was given a Video game which was promptly taken away because it
> could take an eye out. He was then given a dreydl and played
> "Find the Afikomen" with his little cousins.
>
> When the father arrived in Miami, he was greeted by federal
> officials who warned him not to go to the Miami house, because
> it was dangerous. He responded, "What danger? There's no danger
> in Miami!"
>
> The Jewish media pounced on this story with all it's power.
> Headlines read "LITTLE BOY PLAYS OUTSIDE WITHOUT A SWEATER."
> Talk shows posed questions like: "What's more important,
> parenthood or politics?" "What if an American boy was held in
> Israel?" "Where can you get a nice sandwich in Miami?" "Guess
> how much I paid for this?" It was ugly.
>
> The boy's cousin, M'Shugena, became his primary caretaker,
> because she had no job, no kids, no husband and no skills. The
> situation took a toll on her. Neiman Marcus and Loehmans's
> called to see why she hadn't been in. Unbeknownst to her, the
> federal government was planning a secret rescue operation,
> known as "Operation Circumcise", to remove the boy from the
> house and cut him off from his family. Just then, it happened.
> To get into the area unnoticed, they arrived in a van cleverly
> disguised to look like a Chinese food delivery truck, and
> stormed the house. Neighbors came running like a vance when
> they heard the code word "trafe". Hundreds of neighbors poured
> into the house in an attempt to prevent the boy from being
> taken, but they were slowed down by their need to kiss the
> mezuzah each time they entered. But a trap was set for the
> agents. To slow them down, M'Shugena had poured slippery
> chicken fat all over the floor. But the neighbors, armed only
> with menorahs, were no match for the agents and their weapons.
> The boy was taken to the waiting van, which would speed off to
> re-unite him with his waiting father, after making a few more
> deliveries.
>
>
Love it, ism.

--
Deri James