Personally, we couldn't raise our kids without support. We are the primary caregivers of course, but you need help. It's finding people you want to populate your "village" that's tough.

I think the "village" is still there it's just not a geographic one all the time like it used to be. The extended family usually is not in close proximity these days. And there are not too many "neighbourhoods" left in the traditional sense of the word. In our immediate neighbourhood we know a few folks... but just  to chat about the weather or gardening, etc. We have several neighbours who are elderly so Mark shovels walkways in the winter and helps take out the trash. They always ask about the boys but there is very little actual support (nor would I expect it). Maybe there are a few surrogate grandparents lurking. ; )

I think people have to create their own "village" to support them based on what they need. My cousin is the boys' Godmother and is wonderful. She's really the only family member we see all the time. Most of Mark's relatives were involved in the mass exodus at the time of diagnoses. We have been blessed with some great friends, some of whom have special needs children as well. These people can always be counted on for support either emotionally or practically. We also belong to our local club for parent's of multiples. Of course the internet has become invaluable to me  as a source of info and support.

So I think the support is out there. We just had to move to a new "village" once we entered the world of disability. It took some remodelling and adjusting but we like the village where we live now. : )

Yvonne

>>> [log in to unmask] 05/31/00 12:12PM >>>
This reminds me of the Bob Dole/Hillary Clinton squabble about whether it
takes the parents or village to raise a child.  Bob Keeshan (Capt. Kangaroo)
settled the argument by saying "it takes both."

With utmost respect to the Captain, my first hero after my Dad, it seems to
me that it takes the parents to raise the child with the support of the
village.  I mean to imply that parents are the sole authority.  I'm sure Mr.
Keeshan didn't mean otherwise, but there seems to be a growing trend toward
the village having more say than it should.  That's why I make this comment,
but I would stress that it is only my ever-so-humble opinion

All in all, this topic causes me to wonder how families who have children
with disabilities fare in this regard.  Do parents on the list feel as though
they have the support of their respective "villages?"

In a message dated 05/31/2000 7:08:20 AM Eastern Daylight Time, [log in to unmask] 
writes:

> you know we are being  light hearted, as we are always, but, i try to be
>  sure that both sara and benjamin get to see their grandma and grandps s  as
>  much as possible. i lost one grandmother early.
>    my dad was at a meeting of some kind and a little girl called him "pa pa"
>  (a short for grandpa in middle alabama), her mother told her that he was
not
>  "her" pa pa, she replied "he looks like a pa pa" and dad said "i guess if i
>  look like a pa pa" then i can be your papa." this is very cute. my point
>  though is that kids need grandparents abd if death or other things take
>  their grandparents, it is a smart parent that lets someone be an "adopted
>  grandparent.
>