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Subject:
From:
"Elizabeth H. Thiers" <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List
Date:
Thu, 24 Feb 2000 07:58:21 -0500
Content-Type:
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Ok, here's the professional talking because the personal side says ditto to
what everyone else said.  Professionally, do you know if the visiting nurse
has talked to her company's social worker?  Sometimes the social worker can
arrange to get extra help (re: respite care from volunteer groups, etc) and
the big one is, make sure he/she talks with you and truly understands your
capabilities.  In the meantime, you need to make sure you take care of
yourself also (I know, easier said then done)You may end up making your mom
live downstairs so that you don't have  to walk up the stairs.
It can't be easy for you, but, make her get up if she wants to eat, then she
has to come down stairs.

Hugs to you Betty,

Beth the OT

-----Original Message-----
From: St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List
[mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf Of Betty Alfred
Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2000 7:22 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Taking care of sick relatives -Betty


Thanks to all of you.  I appreciate your sound advice on this difficult
subject.  My Mom is quite something.  She's a Christian Scientist, but as it
turns out, she's only a Christian Scientist if you're sick.  If she's sick
she's a Methodist.

I'm going to have to ride this out, and I predicted some of this from my
experience when she broke her hip twelve years ago.  I went through the same
thing in terms of waiting for her to do anything for herself.  Now she has
cancer though, and it seems like sacred territory, meaning if she's wants to
treat me like poop I feel guilty if I let her know that isn't going to fly.
I have been letting her know though.  She is not in pain or anything, and
should be in a recovery state, according to her doctor.  This evening she
has
been very pleasant.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

I don't mind pampering her a little.  After all, she is 76 and I don't know
how much longer she will be around now.  I just don't like it that she has
been treating me like I'm her servant -- this has been an attitude issue as
well as lack of motivation to get better.

She probably is having some problems with depression, I don't doubt that,
but
she would never entertain that suggestion.  It was only when she started
having serious, daily pain that she even went to the doctor (pain cures
Christian Science).  Depression runs in her family and my sister committed
suicide.  But after so many years, my Mother still won't acknowledge that
she
did that.  She speaks of her death as being due to "complications following
a
miscarriage."  When I was going from full time crutches to part-time
wheelchair, she was telling her friends that I had a "minor physical problem
but I was getting better."  There is a major denial thing going here.  I
guess if my head fell off she might give me an aspirin though

I don't really know what the prognosis is right now, and the doctor says
there is no way to predict.  He said that she isn't a good candidate,
physically and psychologically speaking, for chemotherapy or radiation.  In
any event she said she wouldn't do that so it would have been an academic
discussion if he had wanted her to have it.  It's a wait-and-see game now.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for their input about this.  I do want
to say that I love my Mom, and just because she is driving me nuts doesn't
mean that I don't care about her.  I was halfway to nuts anyway before she
took over the wheel.

Thanks -- Betty

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