In a message dated 05/31/2000 1:01:28 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

> See this stuff's over forty years old and I still recall my folks struggle.
>  Course they had a spitfire kid.
>
It sounds like your folks were great Steve.  I know they loved their spitfire
kid too.

I'm not even sure what I mean when I say village.  Neighbors, educators,
etc.?  All of it, I guess.  My neighbors have been totally supportive of our
situation; C-PALSY is definitely a big part of my village; church; other
friends not part of the list are there as well, each in a way that he is able
to be.

I have been communicating with a young woman (I think perhaps very young)
from Austria.  She makes delightful conversation, and is a wonderful
correspondent, but is a little confused about disability issues.  She asks
questions from time to time, and I try my best to answer.

Her last e-mail really threw me though, since I'm totally immersed in the
disability community now (she is TAB).  Her attitude was completely offensive
to me, but she didn't realize it would be.  Her friend had her first child
last February; the child was diagnosed with Downs.  This woman told me she
was floored that they wanted to keep the baby, and wondered why she refused
any tests that would have predicted this in order to abort the fetus.
Moreover, she actually chastised her friend for not having the tests!  What
kind of supportive friend is that?

She assumed that because I am *physically* disabled, I would not feel a
connection with her friend or her friend's child.  She said as much when she
asked my opinion.  "Remember," she said, "I am talking about a mental
disability, not a physical one."  I wish to advocate for all our children!  I
feel as though we must be a cohesive community, as you have heard me say in
the past.

As I am sure you can imagine, I had a hard time composing a reply.  All I
could think of was the major chasm between our philosophies.  How was I going
to bridge that?  How was I going to mask my anger on behalf of a woman in
Austria I never met, with a newborn she was berated by a trusted friend for
wanting?

I must admit, I am not accustomed to such blunt and outspoken bigotry.  I'd
rather have it that way; I'd rather know what a person is thinking.  I'm just
used to people being more discreet.

I approached this by talking about the village concept and how important it
was going to be for her friend to have support now, and how critical it was
going to be that this woman accept her friend's baby as a child who has a
right to be here, and to be loved by the community.  I hope I said something
that made an impact; I am at least glad that she asked my opinion about this.


I'm wondering what she will do with my opinion. I hope something useful.


Betty