<< Dear Jennifer, Rayna and all
 I'm about to give you the something to think about from the parental side of
 the fence. Alex who is 6 has spastic quad CP and multiple other
 disabilities. I have been involved with all the school and medical decisions
 regarding his life. He is also my 7th ( and last child which explains his
 middle name of Omega). I always new something was wrong. My hubby was and
 still is in denial about Alex's disabilities. His parents are study in bad
 parenthood but that is the model of parenthood he grew up with. DH literally
 built our house from the ground up. In all fairness it was years before Alex
 was a twinkle in his eye ( or Max and Noah for that matter) but it is the
 most handicap inaccessible house ever built. It is a raised ranch which
 means you must travel up stairs to get to the living area no matter which
 way you come into the house. The driveway is also a steep incline.The front
 yard is small sloping hill with a big drop-off over a retaining wall. Hardly
 a safe place for playing for a child with mobility and balance issues.
 Inside the house Alex gets around crawling. DH can remain in denial because
 all the other boys are wrestling and crawling around the floor most of the
 time too so Alex just fits in. No ramps as of yet but the would be
 impractical anyways with the large slope of our land. I have had to fight
 with DH for every service such as early education and every piece of
 equipment such as a WC or walker because it confirmed what he didn't want to
 know. Every surgical procedure was met with argument even though I did all
 the research and he often refuse to read any of it. It sounds like Alex has
 the father from H*** but far from it. DH loves Alex with his heart ad soul
 and just wants him to "outgrow" this stuff. He is coming around ( he's even
 beginning to listen to suggestions about selling the house) because being
 the wicked, manipulative wife I am I make sure he has to experience the
 problems  that occur by denying the existence of Alex's disabilities.
 "honey, can you take Alex to the store and pick up a pair of tennies for
 him?" then he has to try to find shoes that fit over the afo's. "honey,
 here's some money, take the kids to McD's while I scrub the floors" and he
 gets to try to put Alex in those inaccessible high chairs with his braces,
 or watch him fall over in the hard to sit booths and spill his food, rather
 than taking his wc and letting him eat in comfort. I let him watch the
 longing as Alex watches all the other kids play in the play area. I make DH
 carry Alex up all those stairs. I don't say anything as he refuses to park
 in a handicap spot and tries to put the wc together without the safety of
 extra room the handicap spot provides. Recently DH has been asking about
 adaptive sports for Alex. Yeah I still had to be the one who found the info
 but he'll be the one who coaches when we find a sport(s) to do, just like he
 does with his other sons. He takes Alex outside ( in his wc now, no less:))
 and shows him how to build a deck and gives him wood and a plastic hammer
 and lets him go at it just like he's done with his other kids. He's also
 taught me not to hover over Alex as I'm prone to do.  So sometimes the
 denial is easier than the reality. It doesn't make it any easier for you I
 know but maybe it will help explain somewhat. It will also make you a much
 better and emphatic parent than your parents could ever be.
 Joanne >>
I understand Joanne..
you are a good parent..but my Mum never tried.  She was/is in denial and I
know she loves me as her child, but she hasn't helped me..I was pushed away
because I was different..Everything That ever meant anything to me was too
hard for her to help..I can't even explain it because the simple things that
wouldve made my life a little bit easier was ignored..and that hurts now...
i don't know what I'm saying because it upsets me to think of how much I love
my mother, and as a married woman..i can't share things with her..its just
confusing..thanx for sharing..
jenn