LOL! Susan (:-)
----- Original Message -----
From: "Rayna Lamb" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, July 12, 2001 5:54 AM
Subject: Medical Muck-ups


> There are few experiences more worrisome than going  to the hospital.
> Supposing tests reveal you require surgery, or you have a  terminal
> disease, or you have an illness not yet in the medical books, or the
> doctors are inept? Certainly, it's no laughing matter. But in this day and
> age,  nothing is sacred; everything is grist for the humour mill. The
> following notes  on patient's charts are purportedly true:
>
> _ She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
> hot in bed last night.
>
> _ Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
>
> _ On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
> disappeared.
>
> _ The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
> depressed.
>
> _ The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
>
> _ Discharge status: alive but without my permission.
>
> _ Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but
> forgetful.
>
> _ The patient refused autopsy.
>
> _ The patient has no previous history of suicide.
>
> _ Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
>
> _ Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
>
> _ She is numb from her toes down.
>
> _ While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
>
> _ The skin was moist and dry.
>
> _ Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
>
> _ Patient was alert and unresponsive.
>
> _ Rectal examination revealed a normal-sized thyroid.
>
> _ She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
> got a divorce.
>
> _ I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
> therapy.
>
> _ Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.