This is not the first time I heard this account from a parent. I was deeply
moved for you when I read about your Mother's indifference or fear toward
Anthony and Joey. How sad! How sad for her, and for you and Mark and your
children!
If you like, I can posthumously adopt Joey as my grandson. I have brazenly
adopted Tracy Latimer that way too. November 23 is her birthday, and I
intend to celebrate her life, short though it may have been. I will also
post something about it on that day. I just missed Joey's birthday, but next
April 14th I will celebrate his life too.
I have identified with the parents of disabled children before on the subject
of lost friends. In fact, when our Alexandria, VA nature program
(Kingfishers) started, I felt a great kinship with the parents I met because
of this common occurrence of abandoning the families due to disability. That
kinship strengthened my resolve to fight well on behalf of their children.
I can also relate to your comments about post-disability friendships; they
appear to be genuine and lasting. I am not so quick to use the term "friend"
now. I never should have been, but yuk, what a hard way to learn that!
You are not rambling Yvonne. This is good sharing and perhaps a catharsis
for you. Additionally, I am personally bolstered by what you have said, and
I'm glad for you that you have dear friends now.
Betty (self-appointed adopted mom of Tracy, spastic quad CP 11/23/80 -
10/23/93; self-appointed adopted grandma to Yvonne and Mark's angel Joseph
4/14/97 - 12/31/98, cerebral atrophy, sev. CP, CVI, Infantile spasms, spina
bifida, BPD)
Told you I was brazen...
In a message dated 05/26/2000 10:35:19 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<< You're not alone, Betty. I was naive too in our "Before Time". When the =
boys were diagnosed and everything in our lives started to crumble, =
friends and family with whom we had been very close suddenly stopped =
calling or returning our calls. I didn't see this coming. After all, we =
had been there for others so assumed they would be there for us. In our =
sleep-deprived, shell-shocked, grief-ridden state it took us a while to =
catch on, so we actually called people to beg for some help - minimal =
response...=20
Even my mother, who is the boys' only surviving grandparent, when she came =
to help (lives on the East Coast) really only helped with Robert (NDA). =
She somewhat accepted Anthony later on but only ever held Joseph a few =
times - and then mostly just to have pictures taken. She didn't even come =
to Joey's funeral. We rarely speak now and she is no longer welcome in our =
home.
When the fog cleared somewhat we found that the best help came from people =
who were actually acquaintances or even strangers before. It is quite =
amazing though. The friends that populate our lives now are ALWAYS there =
for us. There are a few from the "Before Time" but most are not. But you =
know what? Those who were there for us in the disability days have stayed =
with us through the loss of Joey. I expected another mass exodus of people =
again and it didn't happen. If anything the friendship bonds were =
strengthened. Mark and I are truly blessed in so many ways.
Didn't mean to ramble on...
I wish your Mom peace and comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with you =
both during this difficult time. I know Ann must be a special lady to have =
raised such a wonderful and=20
compassionate woman, Betty. Thank you again for your support and encouragem=
ent.
Yvonne
>>
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