Along the lines of Ken's last one ...


Joke # 1:

Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she is standing on  
the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden a  
huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot  
where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and the boy is no  
longer there. He simply vanished.

Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God, how could you? Have  
I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to  
Bnai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life  
that you would be proud of?"

Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on  
the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling,  
splashing around as if nothing had happened.

A loud voice booms from the sky, "I have returned your grandson. Are  
you satisfied?"

Sarah responded, "Well ... He WAS wearing a hat."


Joke # 2:



A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling  
ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No." her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl.

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and  
throw up behind a bush." said her mother.

After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. "Did  
you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes," the little girl replied.

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and  
returned so quickly?" her mother asked.

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next  
to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."


Joke # 3:

  About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had  
to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish  
community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate  
with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could  
stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

Having no choice, the Jews picked a middle aged man named Moishe to  
represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make  
it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope  
agreed.

The day of the great debate came.  Moishe and the Pope sat opposite  
each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and  
showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one  
finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.  
Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a  
wafer and a glass of wine.  Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope  
stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what  
happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent  
the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that  
there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my  
finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded  
by pointing to the ground and showing that god was also right here  
with us. I pulled out the wine and the    wafer to show that god  
absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of  
original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What  
happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three  
days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving.  
Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let  
him know that we were staying right here."

     "And then?" asked a woman.

     "I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took  
out mine."

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