Oh, OK then...

The infamous "Spanish Inquisition" (Monty Python)

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is
suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear
and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear,
surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the
Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our
weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

Man: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such
diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical
devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! (To Cardinal Biggles) I
can't say it - you'll have to say it.

Biggles: What?

Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are...

Biggles: (rather horrified) I couldn't do that...

(Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again)

Man: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....

Ximinez: Expects...

Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...

Ximinez: Inquisition.

Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact,
those who do expect -

Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...

Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...

Ximinez: Surprise...

Biggles: Surprise and --

Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our
chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.

Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy
against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'

Biggles: That's enough. (To woman) Now, how do you plead?

Woman: We're innocent.

Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')

Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....

Ximinez: Expects...

Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...

Ximinez: Inquisition.

Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact,
those who do expect -

Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...

Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...

Ximinez: Surprise...

Biggles: Surprise and --

Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our
chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.

Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy
against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'

Biggles: That's enough. (To woman) Now, how do you plead?

Woman: We're innocent.

Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

(Superimposed caption: 'DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER')

(Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and
clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover
his anger)

Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.

(Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack)

Ximinez: Right! How do you plead?

Woman: Innocent.

Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack (oh dear) give the rack a turn.

(Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders)

Biggles: I....

Ximinez: (gritting his teeth) I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say
anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.

Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.

Biggles: Shall I...?

Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!


OK that's it...!!!!  By this time I've usually lost it and am falling out of
my chair...!

In case you wonder where I got this lovely, memorable script, it's at:

http://www.stone-dead.asn.au/main.html

Kat



On Thu, 29 Aug 2002 13:23:15 -0400 "Barber, Kenneth L." <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> Not necessarily pick up lines, just what ever
> exibits your humor. For bobby,
> it was pick up lines, for me it was an old old
> joke, and for kyle it was a
> joke. For you..., you are the judge.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kathy Salkin
> [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Thursday, August 29, 2002 1:10 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: jokes from cp people
>
> You mean the worst pickup lines?  Well most of
> them were extremely
> forgettable, but I can think of a memorably
> horrible one:
>
> "Hi there, little girl, wanna go with Big
> Daddy?"(really said to me at a
> country music club.  The guy was a big one -
> 6'3" I think and I'm 5'0") I
> was
> NOT impressed.  I think I stomped on his foot
> and stormed off.
>
>
> Kat
>
>
> On Thu, 29 Aug 2002 12:59:14 -0400 "Barber,
> Kenneth L."
> wrote:
>
> > Okay kat, give us a "best of kat" joke.
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Kathy Salkin
> > [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> > Sent: Thursday, August 29, 2002 12:54 PM
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Re: jokes from cp people
> >
> > LOL... Better than a lot of pickup lines I've
> > heard in my day...
> >
> > Kat
> >
> >
> > On Thu, 29 Aug 2002 12:38:18 EDT "BG Greer,
> > PhD"  wrote:
> >
> > > Well, I could only find 5. Here they are:
> > >
> > >
> > >             Best Pick-up Lines if You have
> > > Cerebral Palsy
> > >
> > > 1. Wait until you see my voluntary moves.
> > >
> > > 2. Just hold your hand still right there,
> > > I’ll do the rest.
> > >
> > > 3. Want to see my Babinski, baby?
> > >
> > > 4 You are really not that good looking, I
> > drool
> > > all the time.
> > >
> > > 5. You want to see if I am spastic all
> over?
> > >
> >
>