Deri, as part of my audio engineering curriculum at university I had to take
coursework in queuing theory--dry as yer mum's fortnight-old bisquits.  Had
an opportunity to interview as an "Imagineer" at Dizzy World in Orlando
FLA--they have folks whose entire jobs are devoted to improving "queue-life"
and "queue-speed".  Quite a science!

Yanks, in general, are an impatient lot and don't care for queues at all.



-----Original Message-----
From: Deri James [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Wednesday, December 15, 1999 3:23 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: English lessons for the British impaired (me)


                  Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> Okay Deri -- help me.  What is a queue?  I know what a bonnet
> is.  I know what a lift is too.  Thanks to Mrs. Slocombe, I
> know what it means to spend a penny (having spent many of them
> myself).  But I don't know what queue means.

> Can anyone queue.  Do you have to have a membership card and
> are there dues?
>
>
> Is it that letter in the alphabet?
> L-M-N-O-P-QUEUE-R-S-T-U-V...never mind.
>
> Sorry -- too much coffee today.
> Betty
>
Richard told you "it's a line that you wait in" which is
absolutely true, but fails to convey the delicate nuances of
"queueing" (probably the word with the most vowels sitting side
by side, i.e. a queue of vowels).

A queue is the British answer to how to allocate a scarce
resource fairly. Say there are two ATMs (Cash Dispensers) on the
outside of a bank and there are more than 2 people waiting to
use it, then, over here, a queue will form. The third person
will stand between the two machines some feet back from the 2
users (just back far enough to give them a false sense of
security that you can't see the keys they are pressing for their
PIN numbers). If either of the two users finish the person at
the front of the queue will then move left or right to use the
vacated machine. Now if a 4th person arrives he should position
himself behind the third person.

Sometimes, it can be a bit tricky to realise that a queue has
formed. Say there is a row of 10 public phones at the railway
station, there will be 1 queue for all 10 but you may not notice
that it's off to one side. Just as you walk past a booth a
person vacates it, under no circumstances must you enter that
booth without first making sure that there isn't a queue. This
heinous crime is called "queue jumping" and oftens leads to
terrible incidents of "queue rage", such as:-

   "There's a queue here mate", or

   "Eh, mush, back to the end of the queue"

And, yes, sometimes you do have to queue to "spend a penny", one
hopes for not too long!!

Cheers,

--
Deri James