Thanks Carrie, yes physically I'm feeling better - the respitory (sp?)
thing seems to have cleared up.  Unfortunately, emotionally I'm in a
bit of a disaster zone.  During the three weeks a couple of months ago
when I couldn't post to the list because of computer difficulties,
several very upseting things happened which have affected me badly,
esp. because I couldn't communicate with all of you here about them, I
really needed that support but - no email, so I couldn't access
it. :-(  Very tired/depressed tonight, so just the bare facts til I
get the energy to elaborate. My best friend (only real friend here in
Perth) moved to Melbourne and I miss her so much.  My parents moved
back to NZ (a good thing, but sad to realise that their leaving
doesn't affect me, they never supported me enough for me to ever miss
them).  I had a REALLY horrible run-in with the employment agency who
were supposed to find me work - specialist disability agency,
`professionals', who bullied, intimidated and patronised me, had a
dreadful encounter with one of the staff which left me shaken up.  As
the Aussies on this list probably all know, the Liberal gov't has set
things up so that if you have a disability that requires workplace
modifications etc, that the government will fund them but only if you
are registered with a job agency (ALL job agencies have now been
privatised, including specialist disability ones - the misery of
unemployment is a profitable business.....)  I can't go through a
mainstream agency because they put me in the `too hard' basket because
I can't work full time and need modifications and assistance to work.
I don't have the energy to look for work on my own, did that for five
years and it nearly killed me.  Emotionally, I can't stand to have
anymore rejections - should be used to it by now, but I've been pushed
beyond my limits.  I don't think I'm weak, but it is all just too
bloody hard.  I'd have been fine if I'd got a job 10 years ago - but
ever since the recession here it's just got harder and harder.  Also
I've come to a dead end socially.  I've been making a point of getting
out and meeting people, but I keep meeting the ones that think I'm
`brave' and `inspirational' <vomit> and insist on telling me that.
I'm really tired, I've put the effort in and nothing seems to be
working out.....
I'm so exhausted that I've withdrawn from uni for this semester - no
energy.  I haven't heard back about the effect of disabilities clinic
yet so no news on that front.

Just had to get that all out of my system....

Depressed Rayna


On Sat, Apr 20, 2002 at 03:21:27PM +1000, Carrie Bancroft wrote:

    Rayna, do hope you are feeling better.
    Have you been to the Clinic about the
    effects of disabilities?
    Are you back at Uni?