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Subject:
From:
Deri James <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List
Date:
Tue, 22 Feb 2000 01:06:17 +0000
Content-Type:
text/plain
Parts/Attachments:
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                  Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> In a message dated 02/18/2000 1:05:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> << The research I quoted also discusses at length "difficult"
> and "easy"
>  parents, difficult being similar to fractious, I presume. Yes,
> and "easy"
>  child and a "difficult"
>  parent are like matches and spilled gasoline, very flammable.
> > >
>
>
> There was something in the article Trisha shared that I am
> thinking about too.  I can't remember exactly what it said but
> it had to do with instilling shame in the child for a mistake.
> It seems to me that shame is an internal issue that comes
> secondary to knowing right from wrong and learning what it
> means to hurt another person.  I'm not sure you can instill
> shame, but if the child learns to feel for another person, if
> he does something to hurt that person and is made aware of that
> hurt, won't the shame naturally follow? This is not a
> rhetorical question.  I'm not a parent and I've never raised a
> child.
>
Betty I agree with you that making a child ashamed of their
naughty behaviour is a valuable tool in controlling children.
Unfortunately, Sue Dinwiddie, the original author of the
misguided article Trisha posted does not agree with us. A basic
tenet of her "article" was that we should NOT use shame in our
attempts to instil good behaviour in our kids:-

> > "Although guiding children to have a strong moral conscience
> > should be a valid goal for both parents and teachers, there
> > is a lot wrong with trying to achieve this goal with
> > shaming."

I must admit that this strange statement, and frankly the whole
"tone" of the piece, got me wondering about what version of
reality Ms Dinwiddie felt at home with!!

It appears she was "for many years" Head Teacher of a Nursery
School for ages 2 to 5, who 6 years ago was giving evening
lectures in Palo Alto Community College for $5 dollars a pop,
(and last year was giving the same lecture for $10 (with a
special offer of $15 for a couple)).

Armed with this extra information I wasn't too surprised that you
can buy two books from her own publisher "Better World Press"
(but not from Amazon.com).

If Ms Dinwiddie was simply talking (at length) about the case of
a mother who didn't work, with one child of 3 years old, on whom
she wished to lavish her whole attention, THEN some of what she
wrote may be useful, but not particularly insightful.


> Betty
>
>

--
Deri James

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