I use "Ms." as my title, as I've never been married, and "Miss" sounds too
much like "Little Miss Muffett-ish" to me.  However, if I were married, I'd
take my  husband's name for personal and social situations, but keep my
maiden name for business purposes.  There are too many hassles in changing
my name at this point in my life in my career.   I see nothing wrong in a
woman taking her husband's name if she wants to, just as I see nothing wrong
with a woman keeping her maiden name if she so wishes.  It's a matter of
choice, and that's what feminism has given us.

However, that being said, I have never gone for the male-bashing so many
early feminists seemed to indulge in.  I think the men have enough to
contend with without being bashed for things they cannot help but are a
result of our social mores.  I think this is all a two-way street.

Kat
----- Original Message -----
From: "Betty B" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 17, 2002 10:20 PM
Subject: Re: Feminism


> The glass ceiling exists still, no doubt about it.
>
> I've encountered more sideways glances (yes, that's only my perception)
from
> feminists for retaining the title "Mrs." rather than using "Ms." But I did
my
> job in a male dominated environment where women weren't wanted, in an era
> when women were the groundbreakers.  The threats came, and they scared me,
> those guys really scared me for a while.  I had to make a decision about
> staying or leaving.  Certain of those threats could have been carried out
> with relative ease without detection in the right circumstances, so hell
yes
> I was scared.  In the end I stayed in the career for which I had great
> passion and ability.  Leaving, running, dumping the problem in the lap of
the
> next women seemed way too lousy, and that's exactly what had happened to
me
> anyway.  It was dumped in my lap.  I knew I would hate myself forever too,
if
> I bailed.
>
> Now, when I see a woman in a position like that, and she sees me, she sees
> only the wheelchair or the crutches and will not know any of those things.
> In a way, I wish she could know that it was for her all of the "hers" that
I
> and others like me stayed -- and won -- but it's still not the point, at
> least it shouldn't be.  Besides, there were other women who went through
much
> more crap and abuse in that position than I did.  Anyway, she doesn't need
to
> know.  I know what I know about me.  Nothing can ever take that away.
>
> I am a Mrs. and it's what I want to be.  I loved my husband.  I'm
divorced,
> and by the old fashioned rules of title usage, I can still keep that title
> using my first name instead of my ex husband's.  I like that because I
like
> it, and because I have a lot of friends who are much older than I am who
> enjoy knowing that some of the things that mean something to them are
still
> around and in use.  I do it in part to honor them, even to honor my own
> parents.  I have a high regard for Mothers and Wives who choose those
paths
> as career paths.
>
> I respect the title Ms. for women who use it. I'm not disrespectful of
their
> choice, why would I be?  But using the title Mrs. doesn't mean that I am
not
> supportive of a woman's right to earn any position she wants to have.
Being
> who I want to be, being allowed to strive to earn what I want in this life
> seems what feminism is about.
>
> I haven't burned my bra.  It's just that I don't know where it is.
>
> Betty