all this is getting to my hands. hope you enjoy.
Rude Parrot
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.
Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude, and was just about to ask what had made such a drastic change, when the parrot continued,
"Now, if I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Tapping
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped Centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!“
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replied, “Its okay, thats not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Talking Dog
A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars."
The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking-dog stuff? There ain't no such animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Too Many Choices
Question: What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?
Answer: Tea, please.
Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea
Question: How would you like it? Black or White?
Answer: White
Question: Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?
Answer: With milk.
Question: Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?
Answer: With cow milk please.
Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Um, I’ll take it black.
Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.
Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar ?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Question: White , brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.
Question: Mineral water or still water?
Answer: Mineral water
Question: Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: I'd rather die of thirst.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
-----------------------
To change your mail settings or leave the C-PALSY list, go here:
http://listserv.icors.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ICORS.EXE?SUBED1=c-palsy
|
