Good questions, Bob.  I actually realized I wasn't afraid of dying but I
didn't want my family to suffer.  My father died when I was 11 years young
and although I lived thereafter a happy childhood, deep down inside I still
felt the sorrow.  I also didn't get to tell my father goodbye so before
surgery, although I didn't say goodbye to my children and grandchildren, I
spoke to each of them.  It was probably the most difficult thing I ever did
in my life, too.  When awaking in the recovery room, my first question to
the nurse assigned to me in the ICU was, "Is my family ok?"  I know this has
nothing to do about ham radio but since I posted where I was the last month
on here, I thought others might like to read my reply.  Yes, while in the
hospital, I thought and prayed for all those I know who have no family and
therefore would have to go through what I was facing alone.

Phil.
K0NX



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Bob Humbert" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2009 1:56 PM
Subject: Re: About Me


> You learned a lot but did you get any new questions?  Questions like; Why
am
> I afraid to die?  isn't that what we all look forward to?   How much pain
is
> too much or would you want to endure any amount of pain to hang around a
> while longer?  You have a beautiful family and I am happy for you but
> remember that this is all temporary.  Be ready for what is to come.
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 5:41 PM
> Subject: About Me
>
>
> >I haven't been around lately and thought some might like to know
> > why.  If you don't wish to know, please delete now.  The day
> > before Christmas, I was shopping with my daughter and all was
> > fine.  Some of you know I have been having some tingling and
> > numbness in my hands over the past year but otherwise, I was fine
> > and my blood sugar has stayed in the normal range without
> > medications and just dieting and exercise.  The day or two after
> > Christmas, I couldn't walk without assistance and my hands were
> > about 50 percent numb.  I could not read or write Braille or feel
> > the keys on the keyboard well enough to type emails.  Needless to
> > say, I was big time freaked out.  For a year and a half, about
> > ever 3 to 4 months, just when I would be getting over a lower back
> > pain episode, it would come back.  Once it was so bad, I had to go
> > to the emergency room via ambulance because I literally could not
> > move.  I got over that in about a week or so but then came the big
> > one at Christmas.  I went to our family doctor, he sent me to the
> > emergency room, and they sent me home after telling me I need an
> > MRI, as if I didn't already guess as much, but after a week of
> > nobody getting the MRI scheduled, I entered the emergency room
> > once again.  They tried, and failed, God bless them, a lumbar
> > puncture.  It isn't as painful as it sounds, trying to shove a
> > needle into your spinal cord for drawing fluid, but the
> > psychological effect is beyond measure mentally and emotionally.
> > No, I didn't cry as they tried killing me but I didn't win the
> > patient of the month award either.  Plus, I deliberately skipped
> > giving the doctor a tip.  Anyhow, that didn't work.  Believe it or
> > not, they finally did two MRI tests and when the right neurologist
> > was called in, he figured out what was wrong.  I was so weak below
> > the waist, I couldn't walk without help and my hands, as I said,
> > were like two useless numb clubs at the end of my arms.  No pain.
> > No fooling.  I had no pain any place.  amazing.  It felt as if my
> > whole body, however, was slowly getting weaker and weaker and I
> > honestly figured I might be leaving this world for the next.  To
> > say I was scared would be an understatement.  The last week I was
> > at home, I refused going to my office where my computer and new
> > ham gear was because I honestly thought I was never going to get
> > to use any of it again.  I was admitted on January the fourteenth
> > for spinal stenosis surgery.  I received to surgeries for the
> > price of one because they had to open the front of my throat to
> > put in a scope to see what they were doing when putting a titanium
> > plate and screws to fuse two vertebra together.  No, I can't feel
> > it.  Then, once that was done, I was turned over and the back of
> > my neck was cut open to remove a disk only to be replaced with a
> > synthetic bone mass material to lessen the compression it was
> > creating on my entire spinal system.  They waited to do the
> > surgery because, they said, I was in no physical danger.  If they
> > could have only read my mind.  I acted normal, though, so no one
> > but my family new how spooked I was.  I'm not kidding.  I thought
> > I was a goner.  Not being able to tel that you are holding a
> > tissue in your hand to blow your nose is right down scary as a
> > blind person and I don't give a damn what the NFB says about it.
> > For my sighted friends reading this, I'll explain about that some
> > other time.  By the way, I have been blind for 44 years and I
> > still haven't adjusted to it.  I mean, I have never recommended
> > anybody go blind because it is so fun that they should try it for
> > themselves.  You know what I mean, Vern?  Anyhow, I had to have a
> > heart stress test but a chemical test since I couldn't stand to
> > walk on the treadmill.  That was an interesting experience and not
> > as bad as I thought but as I said, I already thought I had one
> > foot in the grave and the other on a banana peal in the first
> > place so the heart stress test was more than a little scary.  My
> > heart is fine, fortunately, so on to the surgery two days later.
> > The surgery was scheduled for 7 hours but it went so well, it
> > lasted 5 hours.  I had been wearing a dumb neck brace for two
> > weeks already and another week after surgery.  He had said I
> > would wear it for six more weeks but after my appointment Monday,
> > he took the neck brace off, told me to be careful, and sent me
> > home.  I am using a walker about 50 percent of the time now and
> > also having physical therapy at home a couple of times each week.
> > My hands have returned to about where they were before this all
> > began and the doctor said to be patient concerning my hands
> > because it will take awhile.  As you can see, I am typing, but
> > slower than normal but thank God I am typing.  Writing is very
> > important to me.  I sit around watching TV with an egg shaped
> > vibrator in my hand to stimulate nerve development, which drives
> > me crazy, but I am more than just a little thankful for the
> > progress made so far.  When I awakened in the recovery room, My
> > lower back pain was totally gone and I could feel the strength
> > already in my body from the waist down.  Boy, was I thankful for
> > that.  I came home after only two and a half days.  I think I'll
> > write and ask our insurance company for a partial refund since I
> > came home sooner.  I asked the doctor what I did to cause the
> > whole thing because I've never been in an accident or anything
> > that would have caused it.  He said I did nothing but rather it
> > was a degenerative type think that started showing itself a year
> > and a half ago until it suddenly popped out full blown.  Weird.  I
> > have a six inch scar incision down the back of my neck and about a
> > 2 inch incision on the front right of my neck which my
> > grandchildren think are cool.  No, they don't hurt now but did a
> > little for two days in the hospital.  The staples are all taken
> > out already, too.  No, that didn't hurt either when they removed
> > them Monday.  Did I learn anything?  Yes.  Mostly importantly I
> > learned just how dad blamed important your family is.  My
> > daughter, she is 30 years old, stayed every night with me in the
> > hospital, which was more helpful than you can imagine, and
> > especially the two different nights I couldn't sleep at all the
> > whole night.  Nurses are very helpful but it ain't like having
> > your own family with you.  Coming home was interesting.  I
> > couldn't shower by myself so my son had to help me.  I sat on a
> > chair in the shower stall and shaving was a trip, let me tell you.
> > Plus, I had a water proof neck brace I had to wear and the other
> > brace I had to wear even when sleeping.  I felt like a turtle.  I
> > probably smelled like one, too, by this stage of the game.  My son
> > put up various grab bars around the bathroom and down the four
> > stairs leading down into my office built on the side of the house.
> > My 2 year old grandson, when I use the walker, likes to hold on to
> > the front to guide me through the house.  He is a better driver
> > than I am, too.  My wife waited on me hand and foot at home at
> > first and believe me, when you cannot take care of yourself as a
> > blind person, it really does a whammy on your personal pride.  My
> > wife is blind, too, of course, and works full time from a computer
> > station at home for the same hospital I was in but she was always
> > there for me.  We just had our thirty-seventh wedding anniversary
> > a week before the surgery.  We'll have to celebrate later when I'm
> > more back to normal, whatever normal is.  I'm glad I married the
> > right woman; that's for sure.  By the way, I had to be fed for a
> > couple of three days unless the food was something I could pick up
> > but even that was difficult.  For a couple of days after the
> > surgery, my wife even had to put the pills in my mouth and the
> > glass of water in both hands because I couldn't feel when the
> > medication was in my hands.  Talk about humbling.  Did I learn
> > anything?  I now know what it feels like to think you are going to
> > die and it is no picnic and I even know where my picnic is going
> > to be, if you get my drift.  Plus, I thought I was stronger than
> > that but believe me, when you can't walk without falling, which I
> > did a couple of times, and as a blind person, you can't feel what
> > you are touching, all sorts of weird thoughts pass through your
> > thoughts and emotions.  I know some of you reading this don't know
> > me so I'm sorry for the dribble but I just thoughts some might
> > like to hear what has been happening the last month or so in my
> > life.
> >
> > There is a website my neurosurgeon recommended which has a lot of
> > textual information about this surgery but for those of you
> > receiving this who can see, it has video, too, and shows the
> > entire surgical procedure I had.  Click on the link below if
> > interested.  Otherwise, live long and prosper, as Spoc used to
> > say.  Is he still alive?
> >
> > Phil.
> >
> > http://www.spineuniverse.com/videos/spinal-stenosis/
> > 
>
>
> -- 
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG.
> Version: 7.5.552 / Virus Database: 270.10.16/1928 - Release Date: 1/31/09
8:03 PM
>
>