Hi all, I just got this from a friend and thought you all could use a
chuckle!  GRIN!

73 and 88 whare appropriate:
John
John Jacques
Amateur Radio Station: KG7FA
"Where Cat Is,  Is Civilization!"

--------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marilyn Dorn <[log in to unmask]>
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:22:46 -0800
Subject: New Discovery
Message-ID: <[log in to unmask]>


>New Method Discovered
>
>Someone once described a violin as a contrivance by which the tail of
>a horse can be made to extract music from the entrails of a cat. The
>process was painless for the horse but required considerable sacrifice
>on the part of the cat. That was long ago and modern steel has
>replaced catgut as the material of choice for violin strings, thus
>limiting the utility of the modern cat. However, I recently discovered
>a phenomenon that could, in some measure, rehabilitate the specie to
>its rightful place in service to mankind.
>
>While tuning through the HF bands one evening in the ham shack, my cat
>jumped up on the bench for a visit. As I idly scanned the frequencies,
>I reached over to pet the cat, rubbing my hand down his back. I
>chanced to touch the cat's nose and drew a spark of static
>electricity. A sharp pop issued from the speaker of the receiver. This
>excited my curiosity and further experimentation confirmed my
>suspicions. On a lark, I tried using the cat to call CQ and to my
>amazement, received a reply! True, the other station was right in my
>same neighborhood, but a contact nonetheless. I found, however, that
>the arrangement was very broad banded and my signal was splattering
>out of the band for which I was licensed. Further experimentation was
>conducted and my refinements and observations are recorded here.
>
>A tunable bandpass filter was capacitively coupled to the cat for
>frequency selection. Back issues of QST featured a QRP rig constructed
>in a tuna can. I used the article as a starting point for the power
>supply for my rig. The idea being to charge the cat with the contents
>of a can from which the top has been freshly removed. Research and
>experimentation has shown that a fully charged cat exhibits greater
>stability during transmission. Placing the cat on a square of copper
>screen connected to an earth ground helps the cat to maintain
>proper location and enhances the signal level. Sort of a grounded grid
>amplifier. Rubbing the cat's fur with one's hand rather than some
>mechanical contrivance improves stability and soothes the cat. I call
>this method Armstrong Excitation.
>
>Keying is accomplished by either of two methods: Straight key from the
>cat's nose, as initially discovered above, and Iambic keying by
>alternately contacting the cat's ears with the thumb and index finger.
>As right handedness (or, to a lesser degree, left-handedness) is
>present to some extent in all species, the cat's ear-flick reflex will
>be uneven, the right ear generally somewhat faster and thus generating
>a dit while the left produces the dah. The cat seems to prefer short
>QSO's and the heavy use of Q-signals. Longer QSO's would probably
>require a battery of cats employed in relays.
>
>Armstrong Excitation, as described above, necessitated the use of the
>Farnsworth method of transmission. (a high character speed with fairly
>long intervals between characters) This also enhanced stability on the
>part of the cat. Performance seemed to top out at about 4 WPM, the
>limiting factors being the Armstrong Excitation and the tolerance of
>the cat.
>
>The cat seemed to suffer no permanent physical injury, but the animal
>has come to expect charging from the tuna can power supply any time CW
>tones are heard. This expectation has caused a severe case of
>Pavlovian drooling and has resulted in some water damage to some of
>the pages in my logbook.
>
>
>I wrote this as an April Fools piece for the club newsletter back when
>I was active in amateur radio. Now I just follow the local weather
>nets when the need arises, but spend most of my time in the shop
>machining and writing.
>
>Wes
>KB8UKS