Betty,

We need cues from one another.  Especially in this forum.   Curtness or
"ouches" usually help.  You may and, in my regard, you don't need to
apologize.  I know for me and sensed for you the issues of vulnerability
and being at risk are being readdressed and assimilated.  While I feel
that with my age and experience I shouldn't have to cope, my new
physical limits demand that I do.  I'm finally reaching the tilt where
I'm coping and learning my new body and not fighting for completely
reclaiming or as much grieving the lost old.  What a relief!

Know I really (that word again) admire and like you.  Even if I don't
always agree with you.

Hugs and love,

Steve


>From:  Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject:       Re: hostility toward PWDs (Betty and Deri)
>Date:  Sat, 11 Dec 1999 14:58:50 EST
>
>In a message dated 12/11/1999 2:29:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,
>[log in to unmask] writes:
>
><< Good old military.  An apex of insularity and assault.
>
>  Great that you fought.  Better that you survived.  Now I see the
odds.
>  You deserve awards for your efforts.
>
>  Re:  your feelings.  They're yours to share or not.  Pick and choose,
as
>do
>  all of us.
>   >>
>  Thanks.  Keeping this experience to myself is a double edged sword.
On
>one
>hand, I don't have to risk anything by talking about it-if that makes
>any
>sense.  On the other hand, there is a feeling that I was a veteran of a
war
>that nobody knew about.
>
>I have been treated for PTSD in the past, and the comparison (which you
>asked
>about) is that now I feel physically vulnerable.  I don't feel like I
can
>fight back if I have to.  For example, if I use the subway I'm afraid
to
>get
>to close to the edge of the platform because I'm afraid somebody will
push
>me
>in.  This is definitely a personal issue because this kind of thing is
not
>something we should have to worry about.  Things I had to face in the
fire
>department are not at all like outside in the real world.  This
irrational
>fear is what I want to get rid of.  This is the thing I am working on.
I
>saw
>a great psychiatrist for a couple of months after I left work, and we
kept
>the door open for me to go back if I needed to.  After these
conversations,
>I
>think this is a good idea now.
>
>Steve, I apologize for being so abrupt in the last post,
>Betty

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