Jonathan -
Patrick is right; move away, get out of the fish bowl.
I have severe CP. A year after I got married, I promoted and moved 500
miles away from my parents. That move was good for my marriage. It also
made me more independent. - Bob
----- Original Message -----
From: Patrick Cook <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, November 27, 1999 7:50 PM
Subject: Re: Advice about dating in a fishbowl
> Hi everyone:
>
> At 01:11 AM 11/26/99 -0500, Jonathan Rafael Alexander wrote:
> > What does this have to do with my disability? Well let me get to
> > that right
> >now. Every time I have gone out and done something with a woman I am
> >interested
> >in I do it in a fishbowl, my family sees everything and after the woman
leaves
> >they critique how I act and how I dress. I don't drive for physical
reasons so
> >my parents and sisters see everything in the beginning. Then they take me
> >aside
> >and give me the Ken doll treatment as well as well as my mother giving me
> >speeches on things I need to make an effort not to do. To be honest its
all
> >getting very sickening.
> > I date older women and am 27 and the woman I am dating is 35.
>
> I'm no expert on dating, but ummm.....subtract 27 from 35 and look at what
> you have for the age difference. It's pretty big if you ask me.
>
> >Every time I got around my parents I felt like a teenager in the forties
> >going out on a porch
> >date. It did not feel like a date I feel like I am being watched all the
> >time. Its like me and the woman I am with have not time to just be a
couple
>
> Given the age difference, I just don't see how that is possible, but
that's
> JMHO.....
>
> > So my solution to this problem has been to give my parents short
answers
> >about the nature of the relationship all together. The less I say the
less
> >unsolicited authoritative advice I am going to get. They have asked how
the
> >meeting went I am just going to say OK nothing else. I still live with my
> >parents due to the physical problems I have. My three sisters and my
parents
> >have always been there in the beginning of every relationship I have. Its
hard
> >for me to just be myself if they constantly treat me like a Ken doll and
> >tell me
> >how to act. Can you give me some advice here?
>
> Yeah!!!
>
> GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN!!! You're old enough (and you're obviously mature
> enough or this woman wouldn't be giving you the time of day, let alone
want
> to have a relationship with you)!!! Is there some reason (aside from your
> physical "problems" that you claim to have) that you can't move out on
your
> own??? There are people with all kinds of disabilities in addition to
> Cerebral Palsy on this list!!! Who knows, there may just be someone who
> lives in your neck of the woods (speaking of which, where *is* that
> geographically speaking??).
>
> Additionally, while this doesn't apply to dating, but I can relate to the
> "doll" treatment from your able-bodies siblings. My brothers can never
> understand why I'm online so much or why I'm spending so much $$ on the
> Internet when, according to them, I can spend it on "more constructive
> things" such as clothes and/or food. They treat the computers the same
way.
>
> Having a voice mailbox doesn't matter. It's not good enough for
> them!!! So I've gotten to the point where I say "I'll get back to you
> LATER...." in a somewhat non-chalant way.
>
> Also, whenever I visit my brother's place, I'm given the "doll" treatment
> there too. If I don't look clean shaven enough, my brother pulls me to
the
> side and "fixes things" with his fancy new shaver. I can relate because
it
> makes me feel like a little kid and my brother is like my FATHER
> instead. It's really embarrassing in a way.
>
> So far they haven't given me the "doll" treatment when it comes to meeting
> friends (YET!!), but I suspect that'll come in due time as well as I'm
> single AND I live ON MY OWN!!!
>
> But moving out will be a HUGE plus for you!!! On top of that, should you
> and this woman you're dating decide to pursue a relationship despite the
> age difference, at least you won't have to worry about such things like
CURFEW.
>
> Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're definately NOT alone!!!
>
> Happy Holidays...Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!!! :-)
>
> Patrick Cook
> [log in to unmask]
> Denver, Colorado
> http://home.talkcity.com/MinivanAve/patrick32/
> Check out my Online Radio Station, KPDC Internet Radio in WinAmp MP3 at
>
http://www.live365.com/cgi-bin/play.pls?addr=216.32.166.89:24464&file=filena
> me.pls
>
> NOTE: You may have to cut and paste the URL into your WinAmp player.
>
> Also, visit the website at http://listen.to/kpdc/
>
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