Sat, 11 Dec 1999 14:58:50 EST
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In a message dated 12/11/1999 2:29:44 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
<< Good old military. An apex of insularity and assault.
Great that you fought. Better that you survived. Now I see the odds.
You deserve awards for your efforts.
Re: your feelings. They're yours to share or not. Pick and choose, as do
all of us.
>>
Thanks. Keeping this experience to myself is a double edged sword. On one
hand, I don't have to risk anything by talking about it -- if that makes any
sense. On the other hand, there is a feeling that I was a veteran of a war
that nobody knew about.
I have been treated for PTSD in the past, and the comparison (which you asked
about) is that now I feel physically vulnerable. I don't feel like I can
fight back if I have to. For example, if I use the subway I'm afraid to get
to close to the edge of the platform because I'm afraid somebody will push me
in. This is definitely a personal issue because this kind of thing is not
something we should have to worry about. Things I had to face in the fire
department are not at all like outside in the real world. This irrational
fear is what I want to get rid of. This is the thing I am working on. I saw
a great psychiatrist for a couple of months after I left work, and we kept
the door open for me to go back if I needed to. After these conversations, I
think this is a good idea now.
Steve, I apologize for being so abrupt in the last post,
Betty
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