A little forwarded treat from the CONSORTIUM OF ART AND ARCHITECTURAL
HISTORIANS:

<< ... This is reputedly a compilation of actual high school
students' answers. (Maybe apocryphal, but funny nonetheless.)

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice.   They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic games,
Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. Julius Caesar
extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March
murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he
gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the
fiddle to them.

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

  Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the
same offense.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the
futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote
literature.

  Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while
standing on his son's head.

  Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood.

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
and started smoking.

And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born
in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and
is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example
of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

  Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote.

. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great
navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His
ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

    Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people
died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all
this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in
their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post
without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay
for taxis.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented Congress. Thomas
Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

  Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic
hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare
arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation.

  On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot
in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed
assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire
invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn when the   apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number
of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in
his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous
composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half  German half
Italian and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he rote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest evenwhen everyone was
calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since
Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.  The sun never
set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the
sun sets in the West.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen.  She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She
was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which
ended her reign. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts
and inventions.

The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.

Madman Curie discovered radio.

  The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an
anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.>>