I am new to this list and the mom of a 4.5 yr spastic quad son.  First of
all I would like to thank Elaine for starting this thread although I'm sure
it hasn't gone in the direction that she thought it would go.
Second, as a child I grew up with the dx of juvenile Rheumatoid arthritis
and a severe hearing disability and some really nasty allergies that left
rashes to be admired on the third rock from the sun.  We are talking about
growing up in the 50's.  I was also the  only girl in a first generation
Italian family and I was the wounded princess put on the  pedestal.
Interestingly enough on recent x-rays there is no sign of arthritis.
Reading this I have come to realize that none but none of us ( handicapped
or not) were treated by our moms ( how come dads are never mentioned?)
the way we deserved to be treated, special wonderful, talented ( did I miss
anything Jim,) people that we are.  Having 7 of my own I've come to realize
that mom did the best she could, carrying her own emotional baggage from HER
parents, just the same as I'm doing the best I can do with all of mine.  I'm
sure they will grow up to think it wasn't enough or right either.
To the adult CP'ers, those of you who have gone through the many surgeries,
maybe you are as independent as you are because your folks did do this.  To
those who didn't but choose to do the surgeries now as an adult maybe you
are socially ahead of the ballgame then those who spent so much time in the
hospital simple because you were able to be a kid.  I'm truly beginning to
realize what a fine balancing act it is to raise and treat a special needs
kid.
While we can hold on to resentments of what our mom's did or didn't do for
us, we can also just move on and do what we need for ourselves.  I think
that is what being a grown up is all about.  If I've come out with anything
from all these posts, and something that I've worked to teach my kids, is
that you are a neat person just for yourself ( but please don't wipe your
nose on your sleeve or play with your food) but there is always room to
grow.  Not sure if there is a point in these ramblings but again thanks for
all the different POV.
Joanne