It is hard to generalize to an entire group, but judging from
Denise's, Mariana's and Stephen's post, we suppress a lot of "steam" as we
grow up. I was told over and over that I needed a "personality" to "get
by". Translation: no one wants a pissed off CP around so you better shape
up and be a good people pleaser. God only knows what other kinds of "steam"
I have stuffed down in that boiler. At my age, I don't want to know. But
there are laws of physics. No one can stuff steam. It must come out or the
boiler is destroyed. Booze will let some off. Drugs will let some off,
self-hatred converted into self-destructive lifestyle habits willl let off
even more off. Yet, there always seems to be a residual batch of steam,
waiting to be freed. Old steam that has become institutionalized in me much
the same as a prisoner doing a life sentence becomes institutionalized to
prison life. Put me under close scrutiny in a crowded and the ol' boiler
gets rattling. The early memories come back or rest just below the surface.
The gauge can sometimes "redline". Let it out!! No, it will somehow destroy
me and those I love. I am terrified of that steam. It will destroy me
"sweet personality". I go off on some innocuous person. They are scorched a
little from steam long stuffed.

        If any of this makes any sense, let me know.

Bobby