I’ve been hestiant to express my opinion on parenting - and I’m
definitely opinionated.  Parents should set boundries, all sorts of
boundries.  My sons were not allowed to play in the street.  They
knew exactly how far down the sidewalk they could ride their trikes.
Friends thought I was far too strict.  Later the boys knew how far
they could go on their bikes.  Within their boundries, children need
lots of “carefully supervised neglect”.  Dori’s description of her
mum watching her climb the fence is a perfect example of what I mean
by “carefully supervised neglect”.

Parents also need to teach children to made decisions, starting with
simple choices between two equal options.  “Do you want orange juice
or grape juice?” not “what do you want to drink?”.

You start very young with a very short lease and slowly lengthen it.
If you have taught your children to set their own boundries and made
sound decisions, they will not even realize when you let go.  Both my
sons went straight from high school into the Marines.  I knew they
would be fine.  Some of the same friends who thought I was too strict
when our kids were young worried every time their teenagers left the
house.  Some of them had reason to worry.

Deri James wrote:

> When do you remove that safety net?
>
> I remember my Mum saying that when I was  8 or 9 she'd see me in
> the back garden trying to climb the garden fence after my sister
> and all her friends into the orchard next door, and knowing that
> even if I got to the top my technique for getting down was just
> to let go. Rather than rush out and lift me over she go away from
> the window and start dusting, one ear straining for the sound
> that signalled I had managed to hit the clump of nettles that
> always acted like a magnet.
>
> I really admired her for that.
>
> --
> Deri James