Fiona and others:  When you're having your temper tantrums, is there
anything anyone else can do to help?

I don't remember whether I posted this to the list before or if Fiona saw it
at that time. I don't have CP but am disabled and an advocate for disability
rights (which is why I'm on the list, to find out more about CP).  I also
had a serious relationship with a woman who had CP.  We broke up because of
exactly the thing Fiona mentioned, severe temper tantrums (on her part).
She would become very violent and abusive to herself, screaming, pulling her
hair, biting herself, scratching herself, etc.  When I tried to stop her,
she'd start hitting and biting me.  If I was out of range, she would throw
things and ended up hitting me with heavier and heavier objects to the point
where it was becoming dangerous for both of us.  (I learned later that she'd
been this way since childhood but her parents tried to hide the behavior and
excused it because of her CP.  You know, the old "Who can blame her, the
poor 'crippled' girl!" routine.)

She went to all kinds of doctors to find out what it was.  Some blamed it on
the CP, others blamed it on her past.  Basically nobody really knew and
everyone was guessing.  Because I had such a low opinion of myself, I blamed
myself for not being able to help her and thought she'd be better off
without me, so I ended the relationship.

Ironically, we both live in the same town now and I would like to rekindle
the relationship (at least to make peace) but there was so much nasty stuff
that happened when I tried to end the relationship that I'm nervous about
contacting them again.  (I started it by getting outside parties involved
and things just got worse and worse after that.  Her parents made the
ugliness I started uglier and uglier.)

I told my Sweetie that it would be fine if she wanted to break dishes or get
pillows and beat on them, etc. but that hitting herself or me (or any living
thing) was out.  But she just didn't seem to be able to control it.
Medication didn't help (and she was on all kinds of medication.)  I asked
her how I could help and she said "Just love me through it."  I didn't know
how to do that then but I think I have learned how since then.  Like I said,
though, I'm nervous about re-establishing contact.

So if there is some hope of controlling these outbursts, I'd be very anxious
to hear how!!