In a message dated 12/10/1999 10:22:50 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< My grandmother was more angry and afraid
 of not being able to do what she wanted by herself, than she was of dieing
 from cancer.  I felt very bad for her because her last year of life was so
 miserable.  More than the chemo and her impending death, her loss of control
 and independance is what made her so miserable.  I think part of why I am
 more comfortable with my own limitations today is because I saw how
 devastating not letting go and accepting was to gram.  - Denise.
  >>
I'm not sure where this is going.  I know this is way off CP now, and anytime
I talk about my own disability it is that way since I don't have CP. But what
you said reminded me of a cousin who died of cancer when I was 20.  She was
in her 60s and kind of a mentor for a few years -- she was such a neat
person.  One day I called her on the phone to chat.  When I asked her how she
was, she blurted out that nobody would let her talk about dying.  We all knew
that she was mortally ill at that point, but that subject is so hard for
people to discuss.  I felt terrible for her because she sounded so isolated
with her thoughts, so I said "Virginia, I'll let you talk about dying."

I don't remember what we did talk about after that.  I felt so bad for her
though.  She knew she was on her way out and couldn't share anything with
anyone about it.  I was only 19, so I can only hope I responded intelligently
to whatever she said.

Denise, I think I'm going in a different direction from what you were saying.
 I remember that my cousin's last year was very hard because of some of the
same things that your grandmother went through, but I also have a vivid
memory of that one conversation when she complained of wanting to talk about
end of life issues and not being able to find anyone who could listen
comfortably.  That had such a profound impact.  I think it was a positive
learning experience for the future though.

Betty