Salt Lake City Weekly arts & entertainment
   Offer Him a Soda How to get the most from your geek.
   by Eric Jacobsen <I>Salt Lake City Weekly</I> arts & entertainment
   Web.Runner February 24, 2000

   The printer wont print. The system crashed. All the files are gone.
   The computer wont compute. Time to call that person you know who fixes
   things. Time to grok the geek.

   Information technology specialists have displaced accountants as the
   least pleasurable people to deal with. Their jobs are tough, they
   think nobody pays any attention to them and feel generally
   unappreciated. Due to various quirks of personality, attempts at
   making them feel appreciated often fail.

   This is a set of suggestions on how to get the most from your geekthe
   things to do and say that will help you get the assistance you need.
   These suggestions will also put you on good terms with him, so the
   next time things go wrong he wont duck under his desk when you come to
   see him.

   (By the way, this is an editorial about stereotypesstereotypical
   computer newbies and stereotypical geeks. Im referring to the
   tech/wizard/geek as he in this, but that isnt to suggest that computer
   aces are exclusively male.)

   First and foremost, dont be self-deprecating. When your computer guy
   sits down at your desk, please dont say, Im so sorry to keep bugging
   you like this. Im so dumb at computers!

   To the tech, this kind of talk is frustrating. He doesnt think youre
   stupid (well, he probably doesnt think youre stupid), and he doesnt
   think theres something inherently wrong with computersif he did, he
   would move to a shack in Montana. What he probably thinks is that you
   havent taken the time to sit down and learn basic computer skills (see
   RTFM, below). If you start babbling about how youre an idiot at
   computers, hell start thinking about pulling out the hard disk and
   beating you with it.

   Hard disks, by the way, are heavy and made of solid metal.

   Offer him a soda. Its a nice gesture.

   Explain the problem. Start out by telling him what software you were
   inwhich word processor, web browser, etc. If you werent running any
   software, but were simply in Windows or the Macintosh desktop, say so.

   Here are some good terms that will give a general idea of whats going
   on. A crash usually suggests that an error message pops up, and the
   software completely shuts down. This is different than software
   locking upwhen it just freezes and wont do anything. A system crash is
   when the whole computer locks up or shuts down.

   Dont be offended if he says your diagnosis is wrong. And try not to be
   too offended if he isnt polite about telling you so. Technical support
   is never, ever fun, and if geeks had social skills, they wouldnt be
   called geeks. By the way, did you offer that soda yet?

   Get out of the way and let him fix things. When hes finished, ask what
   went wrong, and what you should do if it happens again. If his answer
   flies over your head, hope it doesnt happen again.

   After all this is over (and this applies mainly to Im-a-computer-idiot
   types), go to the bookstore and learn some basic computer skills.
   Geeks have a saying that applies to this: RTFM. It means: Read the
   fucking manual. Most people dont, but the few who do reap the
   benefits.

   I cant overstate the importance of this. Contrary to popular belief,
   geeks dont mind coming over to fix your computer. What they do mind is
   people who dont take four hours out of their lives to learn the basic
   stuff.

   Im partial to The Little PC Book, published by the Peachpit Press.
   Anyone who reads the first 80 pages of it will have all the knowledge
   they need for day-to-day computer use. The rest of the book will help
   teach nearly any other skills youd like to pick up along the way. Im
   not a big fan of the Dummies books, but others swear by them.

   After breezing through one of these guides, youll find yourself much
   less frustrated when sitting in front of that cold screen. And if
   anything really bad happens, dont worry about calling your geekif its
   really bad, hell understand. Just be sure to have some soda in the
   fridge.


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