CHOMSKY Subscribers:
Whoever this is, it's the wittiest...enjoy....
fs
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"In a message dated 3/7/02 8:20:44 PM Pacific EST, Paten241 writes:
French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan to Convince Taliban of
Non-Existence of God
The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed
plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers
into the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the
non-existence of God. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade,
or 'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread
doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.
Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long
occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a
number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines.
There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature
of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be
accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will
further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears
every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his
confidence in the success of their mission.
Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a
Black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, "The Taliban are caught in a
logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove
it.
Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking." Marc-Ange plans to
deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with
special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred
Hitchcock.
However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as
inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the
Frenchmen's' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in
the area.
Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to
the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to
propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.
This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to
undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taliban's
fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumors that
America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the
Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers
while saying, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. Follow me or die."
"Most men do not think things in the way they encounter them, nor do they
recognize what they experience, but believe their own opinions"
-- Heraclitus
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