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Reply To: | St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List |
Date: | Thu, 9 Dec 1999 21:21:38 EST |
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Thanks Deri -- you're a gem! I appreciate the attention you gave my post.
Those things are not easy to talk about -- even now. My first firehouse was
a different story entirely and we were a cohesive organization. It was one
of the greatest experiences I've ever had. One of the things that kept me
going in the second department was that I already knew what a good experience
was supposed to be like. I also had the confirmation from my former
department that I had earned my badge. I'm not sure how things would have
worked out if the second experience had been the first. I do know that
before I got there, other women had come and gone quickly. I think those
guys were using the same tactics on me that had worked before. But that was
my career. It was an investment of the heart and I wasn't about to be driven
out.
Sometimes I drove to work in a mentally detachment state. I can really
remember this now. I was almost outside of my own head if that makes any
sense. It was a way to survive whatever they were going to do to me that
day. It worked but I didn't realize that it would be with me this long. I
tell you now, I didn't think I'd live this long because of them.
So...now I am forced to confront these feelings again. I can, I must, I
shall.
Betty
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