Now, I'm only posting this humor because ADA news is acceptable.

This is a humor, not a political, item.

Peter Seymour



CONGRESS PASSES AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT WASHINGTON, DC -
On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities
Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and
protection for more than 135 million talent-less Americans.

The act, signed into law by President Clinton shortly after its
passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon
millions of U.S. citizens who lack any real skills or uses.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans-through no fault of their own-do
not possess the talent necessary to carve out a meaningful role
for themselves in society," said Clinton, a longtime ANA
supporter. "Their lives are futile hamster-wheel existencems of
unrewarding, dead-end busywork: Xeroxing documents written by
others; fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster
ovens, and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever
see.

Sadly, for these millions of non-abled Americans, the American
dream of working hard and moving up through the ranks is simply
not a reality."

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
important-sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the
white-collar sector for non-abled persons, providing them with an
illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory,
non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be offered
to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most non-
remarkable, utterly replaceable employees. The legislation also
provides corporations with incentives to hire non-abled workers,
including tax breaks for those who hire one non-germane worker
for every two talented hirees.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act also contains tough
new measures to prevent discrimination against the non-abled by
banning prospective employers from asking such job-interview
questions as, "What can you bring to this organization?" and "Do
you have any special skills that would make you an asset to this
company?" "As a non-abled person, I frequently find myself unable
to keep up with workers who have something going for them," said
Pat S., who may lose her position at a Redmond software giantm at
any moment because of her lack of notable skills of the kind that
the company happens to value. "This new law should really help
people like me."

With the passage of the Americans With No Abilities Act, Pat S.
and millions of other untalented, non-essential citizens can
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Clinton "It is
our duty, both as lawmakers and as human beings, to provide each
and every American citizen, regardless of his or her lack of
value to society, some sort of space, to take up in this great
nation."